Tag: pants

Pants + Skirt = Skants?

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Pants Skirt Skants
It’s pants, it’s a skirt. It’s a pant-skirt. Skants. It’s for pale cave-people who need more sunlight. Apparently. They call it a transformer, but I’ve never seen Optimus Prime wearing this thing. Can’t decide between pants or a skirt? Just wear this. They look like some kind of weird prison pants. Prisoner number Skants step forward. I mean shuffle. Shuffle forward. Hands where I can see ’em.

Gollum loves them: Ssskants are my precious. Sometimes me wants a ssskirt, sometimes me wants pantsss. Me wants ssshuffle underground. Ssskanks is mine. I means ssskants! No sssunlight! *Hissssss* *Crawls off into the darkness.*

Baby Doll Head Leggings

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Baby Doll Leggings
Dear God in heaven! In the name of all that is holy, those are some hauntingly creepy Baby Doll Head Leggings. It’s like a portal to hell opened up and they all came spilling out! I can hardly even look at their faces. Fun fact: I am so disturbed I almost typed, “I can hardly look at their feces”. That would actually be preferable to these demonic doll heads.

If you look real close some of them look like they have butt-heads. God help us all. The demon doll head invasion has begun!

Cartoon Jean Leggings With Rips And Tears

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tell it like you jean it
Hey lady, nice jeans. *Bats eyelashes.* Thanks, I guess I’m just drawn that way.

Why buy jeans when you’re just going to get holes and tears in them? Why buy jeans with holes and tears in them already? You can just buy these Cartoon Jean Leggings With Rips And Tears. The jeans are fake and so is all of the wear. Plus they look sexy as hell. Hey, I like a good cartoon butt as much as the next guy.

Cartoon butts just make me nuts!
These jeans don’t house no Pizza Huts.

Stuffed crust. Thin crust.
These butts don’t care.

They’re looking good in cartoon wear.

Goosh Yourself With Goosh Pants

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Goosh Yourself With Goosh Pants
Goosh. It means “The undesired oozing of any substance, such as jelly in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.” Example: This peanut butter and jelly sandwich just gooshed all over me! Well, these Goosh Pants aren’t oozing PB and J. Looks more like truffle butter to me, but I’m no expert.

These pants are gooshing in the front and gooshing in the back. Duck duck goosh baby! Dude looks like a walking Rorschach test. That’s me by the time laundry day comes around again. I really need to have more than two pair of pants.

Super Wide Pants

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super wide pants
You’ll need a couple of marines doing that funeral flag folding thing to put these Super Wide Pants in your drawers. Reasons to buy these:

You have a wide load and need wide pants.
You are part of a midget smuggling ring and this will allow you to smuggle a midget on each leg.
Cankles!
Because you don’t trip and fall on your face nearly often enough.
You like to take up the whole aisle at the supermarket.
One washer, one garment. That’s just how you roll.