Tag: scary

Articulated Misfits Devil Rat Doll

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Articulated Misfits Devil Rat Doll

Now you can have your very own Articulated Misfits Devil Rat Doll. Why the hell not? Like I don’t have enough problems without some Devil Rat doll coming to life and doing the freaky deeky all up in here. Sure its cool looking. Both cute and evil at the same time. But no good can come from this thing. I’ve had pets like this before, so I know what I’m talking about. Like that rat clock. It’s always terror time around here.

It is creepy cool. Plus he wont leave droppings everywhere like a real rat. You won’t have to say rats! and clean it up. Or drats. Or even bats. Or tell him yo scat! Get it? That’s some poop humor right there. Probably why I feel flushed. heh! I still got it.

Chick Magnet Might Get You More Girls

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Chick Magnet Might Get You More Girls

This Chick Magnet might be just the thing to get the ladies. That’s what a chick magnet is right? It’s crazy enough that it just might work. Woman sees chick, is impressed and that chick hangs around, thinks I have good taste in fridge magnets. Then we live happily ever after, calling each other chicken head. That’s a love story right there.

These taxidermy magnets are ethically sourced and totally whacked. All I know is that I need more chicken heads in my life. Cuz I’m weird like that.

Pillbug Action Figures – I’m Dread-Pilled

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Pillbug Action Figures - I'm Dread-Pilled

Oh man, these Pillbug Action Figures are freakin’ cool. I’m red-pilled, or is it black-pilled? I can never keep it straight.  I’m Dread-Pilled. Totally pillbugged the fug out! I can finally play with nasty dirt creatures in my own home, in a way that won’t gross me out. Whose up for a cool pillbug action figures fight? My house. Tomorrow. At noon. I’m ready to mash these crazy ugly bugs together as we make noises. Sadly, my mom will find whatever the cheap version is and buy me that. I wouldn’t be surprised if she glued a bunch of Prozac to some bug legs. It’s happened before ya know.

Look honey, I got you the latest popular action figure. This one is even better because it is a real pill bug. Yeah thanks. Why couldn’t you tell me before I had it all in mouth, like the 5 year old that I am?

It’s a thrill bug baby. Or a chill bug. Depending on what medication she had in her purse when she manufactured it like Mommy Mattel in her crazy kid’s lab, whipping up all kinds of child unfriendly toys. Yeah, mom is a lot weird.

Gothic Bat Hand Towels

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Gothic Bat Hand Towels
Check out these super cool Gothic Bat Hand Towels. These look so cool. I don’t care if your bathroom is in a giant haunted mansion, an old victorian, or a trailer, these towels are going to goth up your guano room. They are great for Halloween, but I’m going to use these every day. Cuz I’m a good boy. I always wash my hands. These hand towels are soft and durable and feature an image of a bat and a crescent moon. I love it. Do you love it? Of course, you do. It’s 80% polyester, 20% cotton, and 100% awesome. Dry those hands on some Gothic Bat Hand Towels after you wash them. And if you don’t pick some of these up? Then you better dry your eyes with something else because you’ll be crying at the missed opportunity. I just love that design. Speaking of great design, check out this cool Bat crop top.

Bat Crop Top – Holy Bat Boobies!

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Bat Crop Top - Holy Bat Boobies!
Now that’s what I call Creep Wear. This Bat Crop Top is the ultimate in boobie-covering technology. God, I wish I was that bat. You would be the wind beneath my wings. The wind is very nipply today, so let me hold you tighter, my love. Is it technically a bra? A halter top? Crop top? Bat brazier? I have no idea, but I know it is a bat made to protect your jubblies. And boy, does it look sexy. Whether you are headed for the convenience store, at the beach, or living during the apocalypse, this bat crop top will always look amazing. Bat boobs are always in fashion, after all. Let’s face it they are probably the two greatest things in existence.

Gotta be a B cup, too cuz it’s a Bat. I’m just guessing. A bat cup, if you will. Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable and put your bat on, my dear? I’ll get the bat wine opener, and we can have a quiet night in.