Man, I’m beat. I spent all day installing some sea blue carpet so I can wear these Chomping Shark Slippers and shuffle back and forth in search of chum. I call it shark room.
The first rule of shark room is: We don’t talk about shark room.
The second rule of shark room is: You don’t enter without wearing your chompers.
The third rule of shark room is: You don’t blog about shark room.
Well, I guess I’m out, having violated rules 1 and 3. It was fun while it lasted.
Who’s sharkin’ around for a new necklace? Something with some bite! Something that says my neck is a 70’s horror movie featuring an ocean predator about to attack an unsuspecting swimmer!
The Jaws Attacks Necklace is perfect! If you want, you can even replace the swimmer other stuff. Like grilled cheese, maybe a candy bar. Something that the shark can really sink it’s teeth into.
Your purse is a guppy! This purse is a shark! Embrace the shark ladies! This Open Mouth Shark Purse is hungry and waiting for all of your lady stuff. No, that didn’t sound right. I mean, like your lipsticks, eyeliner and whatever else you ladies keep in your purses. Wear it during shark week.
Just like a real shark’s mouth, everything disappears forever once it goes into a purse. I don’t know how many times my phone number has mysteriously disappeared when a woman sticks it in her purse. I’m gonna need a bigger note. Get it? Jaws. Need a bigger boat? Oh whatever. Of course, that was before cell phones. Which are now the new shark. Oh, sorry my phone ate your number. Do you want it again? Uh, no.
I love this Shark Bite Adult Sleeping Bag. You can get in and shark all around the floor, all flippy floppy like a shark out of water, until you find your roommate’s leg hanging off the side of the couch and take a giant bite while he’s watching Shark Week. Dude, shut your hole. Stop screaming! The neighbors are going to complain. It’s just a flesh wound. Jesus, what a baby!
This sleeping bag is 6 feet 3 inches long. Plenty big enough for an adult human to be the predator of the house. I would advise you to go for the head first to avoid the screams of your prey.
Etsy seller PamperedBeardies makes all kinds Handmade clothes for lizards, because you don’t want lizards just waving their junk all over the place. Hey, I have a beard! Nobody ever pampers me. Well, except for that one night in the hotel with the midget, but that was a box of Huggies, not Pampers. And as far as I know I got rid of all of the evidence afterwards, except for the talcum powder smell.
Get your lizard an awesome shark costume, Princess Leia, a Mexican Fiesta costume, the Easter Bunny and more. What, no tuxedo? No business suit? What if my lizard wants a career?
Read more “Leaping Lizards: Handmade Costumes For Bearded Dragons”