Tag: skull

Skull Wall Sconces

Artemis Winterford2 Comments

skull light sconces
Check it out. What we have here is some mood lighting that is stuck on one mood, and one mood only, creepy. These Skull Wall Sconces will make your house look like an awesome fantasy castle. “From this day forth I shall make skull sconces of my enemy’s heads! This I swear!”

It’s a lot easier than what I did to get that whole Game of Thrones castle look. It took me like 3 weeks to dig that 10 foot wide mote around my house. And only about a minute for it to fill up with sh*t after I hit the sewer lines. Now it’s known around the neighborhood as Casa de la Caca. They also call me lord of the flies.

Day of the Dead Skull Measuring Spoons

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skull measuring spoonsNo bones about it, these Day of the Dead Skull Measuring Spoons are perfect for when you’re making creepy cupcakes or terrifying treats. They’re in the Calavera style. Calavera is a representation of the human skull made from either sugar or clay, which is used in the Mexican celebration of the Day of the Dead. Bam! You just learned something new.

That makes me a teacher. A sensei. A guru. Luckily I hate learning as much as you do, so it’s recess time. *bell rings* Who’s up for a game of kickball? Oh, I see you started without me. Seriously? I’m still getting picked last? As in not at all? Be that way. Your loss. I was gonna bake a cake and bring it to class, but now I’m just gonna buy one pre-made and cry-eat while I grade your homework. So really, typical night.
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Skeleton Pocket Watch

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skeleton pocket watch
Hey, what time is it? Half past this dude’s ribs and a quarter to his spine. This stylish pocket watch is all dangling skull and bones- That reminds me. I really should check in on Grandma. Old dangling skull and bones herself. The smells the neighbors reported are not good. Then again, she’s been known to have a sever flatulence problem. Usually have to bring a canary with me just to see if it’s safe to enter. It’s usually not, which is why I have no idea what she’s doing in there. I just add the dead canary and the cage to the pile in the hallway and slowly back away, while holding my breath.

Moving on. This pocket watch is all ribs. Perfect if your name is Jack the Ribber and you have no idea what time it is. That’s a terrible joke. Not even funny. Hey, excuse me! I’m worried about my grandma here.

Update: Just called her. *Blah blah blah. Can’t get up. Cats are nipping at me. Pool of my own filth etc etc.* Wait. If that was the smell, what killed the canaries? *Oh, I fell in the kitchen and I’ve had nothing but tacos for a week. squeeeeaaak-pfffft*

Damn it grandma!

Anyway. Skeleton Pocket watch. It’s friggin’ cool looking!
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Bone Parasol: It’s Raining Skulls And Bones

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bone parasol
If the weather is calling for a Goth downpour of epic proportions, this Bone Parasol has you covered. It has a casting of a hawk skull at its tip and a casting of a rabbit skull on the handle. Not enough? There are also eight quail skulls dangling from the spokes.

The woman in these images looks beautiful and dangerous. It’s true. I want to approach her, but I’m too shy. Anyway, that’s beside the point. She’s not exactly dressed for going out in the rain and she’s going to catch her death of cold.

That’s my in. As she stands there shivering in the rain, bones swaying in the wind like a demented set of wind chimes, drippy makeup making her look all extra sad, I’ll drop by like the hero I am and offer her my jacket.*end dream sequence*

Nah. It’s too damn cold for that. She should have spent her money on a nice warm jacket first and THEN saved up for a creeptastic bone parasol. That’s like responsibility 101. Some lessons are best learned hard my dear. Perhaps we will meet again one day. I’ll roll the skull dice.
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Realistic Buried Skull Garden Stones

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skull garden stone
If I had these Realistic Skull Garden Stones, I would just kneel over it with a brush, like I’m all Indiana Jones and just dug it up. Then my neighbor would be all like, “What ya got there?” and I’d be all like, “Shut Up Flanders! Meet the ex-wife. Guess I should have buried her deeper, but digging is hard work. And she was a big woman. Guess I better do it right this time. Anyway, get off my lawn!”

Then the SWAT team and I would have a nice laugh over lunch after they Swiss-cheese my house with bullets. I would casually mention the kilo of coke I planted “saw” in my neighbor’s car and how that’s an awfully nice house and car for someone who is unemployed. Good times. That’ll teach him to mind his own business.
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