Tag: statue

Life Size Alien Chestburster Statue

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Life Size Alien Chestburster Statue
Check out this Life Size Alien Chestburster Statue.

Oh man, I don’t feel so good. Must have been something I ate. I think I’m just gonna lie down over- AHHHHHHH! Something’s ripping up my insides and for once it’s not a fart. OH GOD! OH GOD! *Alien bursts out of my chest* Are you as surprised to see me as I am to see you? Cool. Technically you’re my kid you know. I just gave birth to you. And I want to thank you for being considerate enough to not burst out of my rectum. *Kisses his slimy head, then it bites my face off*

Devious and Devilish Gothic Troll Statues

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Devilish Gothic Troll Statues
These Devilish Gothic Troll Statues are a pair of mischievous motherf***ers. Are they trolls or gargoyles? I have no idea, but they look like they ate something that didn’t agree with them. Like they were talking politics with a pair of frogs, and ended with, “Do you frogs agree or disagree?” Frogs disagreed, so they ate ’em. That’s how troll-gargoyle dudes eat dinner.

Alien Mother Statue From An Alien Mother Ship

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Alien Mother Statue
She is beauty, she is grace, she’s here to abduct your face. This Alien Mother Statue may make you question your religion. Like, why are you praying to this thing? Don’t you know that they abduct people and play air hockey in your bunghole? Apparently, that’s science where they come from. She has light pink glitter in her hair and she’s praying. Praying that she finds a new victim tonight.

Edgar Allan Poe’s The Raven With Talking Raven

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Edgar Allan Poe's The Raven With Talking Raven
You’ve probably read Edgar Allan poe‘s The Raven many times and up until you have been missing one crucial thing. A raven. And even if you do have a raven, you sit with your book club reading it out loud, having to make due with passing around a dead bird. Well, those days are over. Edgar Allan Poe’s The Raven With Talking Raven is a mini edition of the book that comes with a bird that says “Nevermore” when you press the button.

Evil Cat Gargoyle Garden Statue – Damn That’s Evil

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Evil Cat Gargoyle Garden Statue
Hmmm. Looks like Mr. Whiskers is in a bad mood. This Evil Cat Gargoyle Garden Statue will scare anything and everyone out of your garden. This stone cat is stone cold evil. He came to chew on some mice and kick ass and he’s all outta mice. This thing is super scary. And you just know it’s gonna come to life and flap those wings, then fly through your window at night.