Guys, you have to find a spider-mate. I mean soulmate. There’s got to be a black widow out there that needs a widower. Weave yourself a nice web with this Spider Web Tie and you might just attract a mate. I mean, yeah, she’ll probably still bite your head off after sex some day and leave your corpse on the bed as she packs her stuff and moves onto the next victim…. Maybe just go for a Brown recluse instead. Oh wait, those are bad too. Maybe it’s okay to just be single.
Tag: strange
Scarecrow Face Warmer Mask
I’m gonna get a Scarecrow Face Warmer Mask and sing in the forest.
I could while away the hours
Conferrin’ with the flowers,
Consulting with the rain;
And my head I’d be a scratchin’
While my thoughts are busy hatchin’
If I only had a brain.
Then a girl from Kansas would spot me. I would turn around and she would scream and run away terrified. Which is cool cuz I’m not from Kansas and I’m not interested in a long distance relationship right now.
Toxic Skull Christmas Ornament
If you want a cool skull for your creepy Christmas tree, this Toxic Skull Christmas Ornament should do the trick. It’s just dripping and oozing it’s toxic goo all over the place. This guy must have fallen into a vat of chemicals. You know what that means. He’s probably going to become the Toxic Avenger now. It melts on your tree and not in your hand. That makes me really want some M & M’s now.
Poop Buddies Forever Coffee Mugs
Are you my poop buddy? I’ll be yours if you’ll be mine. Pinky promise? Gross! Your finger has dukey on it. Anyway, these Poop Buddies Forever Coffee Mugs are perfect for you and your poop buddy. Friends. The buddy system. That’s what it’s all about. It’s all about friends helping friends poop. I think. Maybe it’s about two friends slamming their poop filled hands together to activate super powers. No idea. Maybe it’s about one guy being the lookout, while the other guy drops a Cleveland steamer by the side of the highway. If so, I’m a good friend.
The Highway patrol will never get you for doing the doggy squat while I’m on guard. They’ll get you for indecent exposure and kidnapping instead cuz I don’t know you and I’m just glad to be free and all over the local news. It was quite an ordeal. *tears*. He wanted me to drink from his Poop Buddies Forever Coffee Mug. *sobs* Wrap that rescue blanket around me. Which camera should I look into? That one? *Crying* I just want to go home now. It was horrible.
Bigfoot and Chupacabra Greeting Cards
Send all of your friends these cool Bigfoot and Chupacabra Greeting Cards from CreatureCardsDesign. In my case that means the mailman and the lady at the grocery store. They feature fun art and on the back there is a description of the monster’s origin and some sightings. But they don’t tell you what to do when you have a sighting. I can help with that: If you see these monsters, bend over and kiss your ass goodbye. Especially if you see the Chupacabra. He will suck your blood like a demon who just discovered a crazy straw for the first time. Except his straw is his tongue. I know, gross.
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