Hey, nice rack! I mean ribs. Nice rump too. You got all of the best cuts. Ask your butcher about this Pink Meat Cuts Dress. Then shimmy your shanks in it and shake your rump roast. Cuz you are grade A, prime cut meat baby. You and I should have a meat and greet. I feel a tingling in my tenderloin. Actually it’s more of an itch, but anyway… I don’t want to get all em-broiled in this dress, but I think it’s awesome. No, really. Not busting your chops. Your pork chops.
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Tag: strange
Realistic Spider Costume
I’m puttin’ this Realistic Spider Costume in my bugout bag. Then ya know what I’m gonna do? Bug the hell out! You can not swat me! No sticky trap can stop me. No can of raid can spray me. And I’m way too damn big to put under a cup, while you slip a paper underneath so you can take me outside. I am the god of spiders. Come to me my 8-legged minions! Flock to me and rule the world at my side from my gi-normous web of doom. Tonight we dine on human-sized cocoons.
*Sees a carpet of spiders skittering and approaching me from everywhere.* Uh… Wait! On second thought, no. I don’t want to be the god of spiders any longer! *Screams like a girl and ditches spider costume while I run away crying.*
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Holy Freddy On A Cross – Horror Movie Wall Sculptures
These Horror Movie Wall Sculptures from HaskellFX make for some scary home decor. Speaking of, you know what else makes for some really scary horror decor? All of those stains on my walls from where I swatted flies and never cleaned up. It’s getting so thick it looks like an impressionist painting is starting to take shape.
Anyway, you can choose from Freddy Krueger on an upside down cross patterned like his sweater, Jason Voorhees and that Leatherface guy on a Texas shaped background. Tell ’em Creepbay sent ya. It’ll be no haskell at all. You know, cuz the shop name… Haskell. *sigh* Ohhhhhhh. So you don’t like my sense of humor huh? Well, quit haskelling me! Okay, new policy everybody. Don’t hask, don’t tell. Hask-a-la-vista baby!
Who doesn’t love a Freddy crucifix? Oh yeah. God. Probably God doesn’t like that.
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Moonlit Cliff Werewolf Pendant
Do you think that Werewolves all wear stuff like this cool Moonlit Cliff Werewolf Pendant, so they can spot each other and know that they are all Werewolves? I only ask cuz some nights I get crazy and tear through a whole rotisserie chicken with my bare hands and they have to lock me in a cage for the night. Also I’m hairy. People say I’m just hungry and fat, I say I’m a werewolf. Then I slash them with my claws and run off on all fours howling. Then I wake up naked the next day, but that’s only because I’m a free spirit.
It’s an endless battle with the moon. Speaking of the moon, I find that the moon acts childish. Oh well, probably just a phase. Once a month the moon gets so full of itself. It’s so vain. Anyway, here’s a song for the moon:
You’re so vain
You probably think this post is about you.
Don’t you?
Don’t you?
Beagle Bonez – Crazy Bonez Skeleton Dog
I got chills when I saw this Crazy Bones Skeleton Dog, cuz I thought yet another animal that I buried was coming back from the pet cemetery. I think I’ve had enough. I only have room for so many skeletons in my house and the neighbors are starting to wonder why I take skeleton dogs for long walks. Also, every time the doorbell rings, they all have to freeze and act like they’re supposed to be taxidermy decorations. Once the door closes again and I come back in the room, it’s like a moving mass of bones everywhere. Cat skeletons climbing all over me, dog skeletons sniffing each others bone-holes, turtle skulls going back in their shell, parakeet bones flying around…
It all started with a dog hit by a car and an ancient burial ground. I may have also hired a witch and made a bad deal.
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