Tag: style

Gothic Skeleton Hands Bonnet

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Gothic Skeleton Hands Bonnet
Keep your bony hands off my hat! Oh yeah. Sorry. Those are supposed to be there. I’ve heard of having a bee in your bonnet, but I’ve never heard of having bones in your bonnet. Until now. This Gothic Skeleton Hands Bonnet is hands on. Heh. Hands on. I’m such a card! It is hands down(On your head) the winner of my annual bony-bonnet contest.

I like it. Scary, yet classy. It’s all Little House on the Haunted Prairie. Now that is a television reboot that I’d like to see. Let those pioneer folk see how they do against zombies and ghosts and stuff.

Gothic Cupboard

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Gothic Cupboard
This Gothic Cupboard is cool is you have your house decorated in a Gothic theme. I wouldn’t know what to do with it though. My house is more slothic, but thats cuz I don’t move around a lot. I don’t even have any goths to store in a Gothic Cupboard. Do you guys know anyone that sells miniature Goths? Yeah, I probably shouldn’t get into the highly questionable illegal miniature Goth market. Besides, little people in makeup isn’t my thing.
Read more “Gothic Cupboard”

Leather Cat Purse

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Leather Cat Purse
Wait, wait, wait! Let me see if I have this expression straight. The cat’s out of the bag. But how can it be, when this Leather Cat Purse clearly shows that the cat IS the bag? Is the bag now out of the cat? No, really, this is messing with my head. I can’t tell if this thing is the cat’s meow or the cat’s pajamas. Is it ketchup or catsup? Now I’m freaking out man! Cat have your tongue? No, but it can hold your lipstick and other stuff.

Anyway, look what the cat dragged in. This awesome purse. Ha ha. It looks like the cat that ate the canary. ha ha. I’m losing it. Losing it. Like a cat on a hot tin roof. I need to go meow.

The Coffin Mirror

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Coffin Mirror
Mirror mirror, on the wall, who is the deadest one of all? Wait. Maybe I don’t want to know. Yeah. Just forget that I asked. Anyway, whose idea was it to decorate this place like a funeral home? I mean, I know it’s dead around here, but geesh.

This Coffin Mirror really puts your mortality in your face. I heard that if you approach the coffin mirror and begin coughing, that probably means your time is just about up. You smash this thing, you’re not getting seven years bad luck, but an undertaker will start following you around. No thanks. I’ll stick with the mirror I have. Which is a good looking dude named Steve, who I met on Craigslist, and pay to stand on the other side of the wall.

That’s A Wrap: Mummy Leggings

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

That's A Wrap Mummy Leggings
If you want to look like a yummy mummy below the tummy…Oh turds, I ran out of rhyming words. Be the best dressed mummy this side of de-Nile with these Mummy Leggings. It’s not just a river in Egypt. No, it’s not. I’m denying it. Anywho, these leggings will make you look good when you rise from your crypt in the morning.

I DIYed a pair once, but three thousand band-aids don’t hold up well in the washing machine, which turned them into a small mummy ball. I guess it’s good for mummy soccer. Just an idea I’m kicking around. Do you like that joke? Was it funny? This has been “The Insecure Comedian.” I’ll be here all week, but I won’t make eye contact. How’s my hair? I hope you like me.
Read more “That’s A Wrap: Mummy Leggings”