Damn, that’s one ugly chick. These Weird Alligator Taxidermy Dolls from OddlyUniqueCreations is fugly. And I thought I was gator bait. Reminds me of that blind date my friend set me up on. She looked just like this. Gave me Er-reptile dysfunction for like a week. I was all like, “See ya later alligator” and “after while crocodile.” I might have also told her that I would need some pretty strong gator-aid to take her home. *shudders* Not gonna lie. I downed some strong gator-aid and bumped nasties with her. She sure knew how to spin a guy around in bed so it feels like your drowning. I lost an arm that night. Never called her back. She was the one that got away. Sure, I set traps, called in Steve Irwin… Wasn’t meant to be.
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Tag: taxidermy
Rocking Taxidermy Goat
If the goat is rockin’ don’t come a knockin’. This Rocking Taxidermy Goat is definitely rocking. He’s pretty horny too, meaning that he has great big horns. Not meaning the other thing. What did you think I was implying? *Sigh.* That really get’s my goat. Get’s my goat and gets it rocking. The seller named it Mason. Obviously they never set it free, because that would have made him a Freemason. Can’t have that. Also, you can’t free something that is dead, so there’s that. The seller says:
Mason the rocking goat has a 300 lb threshold. Even your drunk uncle Louie can go for a whirl.
First, how did you know I had a drunk Uncle Louie and second, no he can’t, cuz he is tipping the scales at 400.
Fortune Teller Gypsy Taxidermy Mouse Diorama
Check out this Fortune Teller Gypsy Taxidermy Mouse Diorama. All of the mice go to her for advice, paying in little cheese cubes. Okay, I admit it, I’m a mouse fortune teller. Easiest gig in the world. They pay me in cheese cubes too cuz I love the stuff. I put on Mickey Mouse ears and they think I’m their oracle. I just say stuff like, “You will be eaten by a large feline” or I say, ” I see a small hard board with a spring attached. You will die a crushing death beneath it’s might.” That kind of stuff. Pretty good work. Pretty satisfying.
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Real Insect Jewelry: Beetle Necklaces
Check out these Beetle Necklaces. These beetles are pretty colorful. Apparently they are also called Weevils, because God forbid you have one easy word for an insect. Stupid scientists and bug nerds!
Evel Knievel was an evil weevil who liked to paint on an easel, and everyone thought he was a weasel. Yay! I made words rhyme. I’m just awesome like that. Did I do good? Can I have a treat daddy? Since I am my own daddy, I say yes. I may have a bag of Cheetos. Awesome. I love you daddy. I know.
Much like the Beatles when wearing Sgt. Pepper uniforms, these beetles are all bright and colorful. And just like two of the four Beatles, these beetles are stuck in their own little coffins for eternity. If I was a Beatle, it would be Paul. Because the Walrus was Paul. Later peeps. There’s a bag of Cheetos with my name on them. Probably because I take a sharpie to the supermarket and autograph everything.
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Taxidermied Mice Having A Seance
These Taxidermied Mice Having A Seance are doing it all wrong. The dead don’t try to raise the living. Well, there was that one time I was playing poker with a zombie. He raised and went all in. Sucker. I cleaned up, took my winnings and hit the restroom for a royal flush.
Look at these guys with their little tarot cards and occult objects. Too bad they aren’t alive, cuz then I could call one of them Alistair Crawley. Get it? Cuz he’d be crawling all over the place.
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