Tag: tie

Flask Tie Is The Best Office Accessory Ever

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

flask tie
No need to cure that drinking problem. Just hide it really well. Like, in your flask tie. That way you can drink all day long in the office.

Johnson, file these reports! Sure, no problem. Flips the boss off when his back is turned. Takes a drink.

Johnson, I need you to redo those numbers for the big meeting. Okie dokie sir-eokie. Grumbles. Takes drink.

Johnson, great job in the meeting. You seem really relaxed today. A real go-getter. Thanks bloss. I jus do wat ah can, you know. Glug glug glug.

Johnson, in my office. You are being promoted. Awesome newscast Mr. boss. Mr Applesauce. Let’s celebrate. Celebrate. Dance to the music. Takes a drink from the tie, offers it to the boss. Oh ship. I’m sill in da werk envirament ain’t I?

Johnson, go home.

Notebook Paper Necktie. College Ruled.

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Notebook Paper Necktie. College Ruled.
Sweet! A Notebook Paper Necktie. I don’t wear a tie, mostly because no one would hire me and even if they did, I would only use it as a napkin at lunch, then lick the stains off like a cat. If I knew how to tie one, which I don’t. But it would be so sweet to wear this with a grocery list on it or instructions on how to tie it.

Maybe write that 100 word piece of fan-fiction I’ve been meaning to write. Pikachu and Darth Vader ain’t gonna romance themselves, while Rainbow Dash looks on with tears.

Tie Skirt: Office Wear Evolved

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Tie SkirtYeah, I can see women rockin’ the tie skirt, climbing the corporate ladder. They start at the bottom, wearing dress pants and fetching coffee and doughnuts. Then they take out the corporate lackeys above them one by one, luring them into supply closets with the promise of sex, killing them dead and collecting trophies from their swelled pencil necks. When they have enough, they fashion them into skirts, taking the office by storm. Catching the eye of their superiors and quickly ascending in rank, until they have an office full of brave Amazons in tie skirts, firing rubber band crossbows with No. 2 pencil bolts at each other until only the strongest survives.

See this is why I don’t work in an office. Women are vicious and crafty.
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Duct Tape Tie

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Duct Tape TieDuct tape is the answer to so many questions. Now it is the answer to good business attire. Nothing says, “I’m a go-getter who can fix things on the fly” like a tie made out of duct tape.

It goes well with the duct tape mask. Get yourself a duct tape suit and you are the coolest man in the world.