Tag: tp

Tentacle Toilet Paper Roll Holder

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

tentacle toilet paper holder
I’ve been grunting and groaning for like an hour here. Even completed like 3 crossword puzzles. Time to wipe. Wanna lend me a tentacle here Cthulhu? Ah, thanks bud. You take good care of me. You’ve seen things in this room that would shock lesser beings, but you always come through.

This Tentacle Toilet Paper Roll Holder is ready to serve up butt-paper whenever you need it. I like to shake his tentacle after, just out of respect. Give it a little fist bump, followed by an explosion. I like it. He complains that I didn’t wash my hands first. He’s got a point.

Dog Butt Toilet Paper Holder

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

dog butt toilet paper holder
Leave and never darken my towels again! “How dare you sir?! My butt is cleaner than a dog’s butt! Don’t believe me? Have a look at this Dog Butt Toilet Paper Holder. You can’t get any cleaner than the orifice from whence the actual TP comes from, my good man. Never question my cleanliness again. Sorry about the towel. Some zout should get that stain right out.”

The Dog Butt Toilet Paper Holder. Nothing says class like a dog butt flossing with some heinie paper. I feel like the tail should wiggle though, cuz you know that dog is happy as a Floss-ton Terrier. Or should I say a Boston Derriere?

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA Stop me before I pun again!

Keep It Classy With Black Toilet Paper

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

black toliet paperBlack Toilet paper. You gotta keep things classy on the can. Brown on white is so low class. Brown on black? That s**t is classy as f**k! If your establishment doesn’t have black toilet paper and I need to take a massive after my evening meal in your fancy restaurant, I’m just gonna rip the waiters tie off and take it with me.

Nothing but the best for me. Besides, silk is so smooth and soft. Plus you charged me out the ass, so the ass strikes back. I would call a plumber too. I lost like 20 pounds in there. Screw Jenny Craig!

Toilet Paper Necklace

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

toilet paper necklaceThis Toilet Paper Necklace from Etsy is pretty cool. Even though it looks like it would only give a really tiny person like 3 wipes. 1 if you’ve been hitting the Taco Bell a lot.

I would wear it to remind me to buy TP. I’m always forgetting. Just ask my once proud Scientific American magazine collection about that! I’m getting really tired of wiping my ass with inventor’s diagrams and pictures of the latest stealth aircraft. Yeah, my trash teaches dumpster divers to get a f***ing job and stop being a cheap-ass.
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