Tag: unicorn

The Squatty Potty

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

squatty potty
By now you’ve probably heard about the Squatty Potty. I’m a few days behind. You might say I got backed up. Heh! That’s a little poop joke to keep things flowing. The Squatty Potty is a stool that helps you get the poop out. Especially if you are a constipated unicorn. Essentially a stool that helps create another stool.

What’s next? A Squatty Bicycle? I can’t wait. Bicycling just relaxes me. Just ask any road cleaning crew. If I can peddle while on the toilet, I’m gonna win the Tour de France with no underpants.

Mr. T say “Don’t be a fool. Use a stool!”
Read more “The Squatty Potty”

Unicorn Skull Mask

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Unicorn Skull Mask
Here’s why unicorn masks like this Unicorn Skull mask might not be a good idea:

That’s one kick-ass unicorn mask ya got there, honey. It really looks awesome. Hows about a kiss? Just lean forward and- Owwwwww! My eye! My eye! Blood everywhere! An eye on the tip of your horn! Now I’ll never be able to use the Oculus Rift and experience awesome VR! On the other hand, I hear that monocles are a thing again thanks to those damn dirty hipsters. Oh well. Time to shop the cyclops shop for a new eye. Maybe something in blue.

Unicorn masks. Beware! They are not a good idea!

In the kingdom of the blind, a one-eyed man is king. Until a unicorn takes his one eye out anyway. This dark unicorn skeleton necklace is a much safer. choice You can proudly wear the skeleton of this majestic creature and marvel at the wonder of this magical being. It is a great piece of goth jewelry that is much less likely to take your eye out, while catching the eyes of others.  By the way, is it weird that this mask kind of turns me on? I do like a cute girl in unicorn wear.
Read more “Unicorn Skull Mask”

Space Unicorn Faux Taxidermy

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

taxidermy space unicorn
*What’s that?* Oh, that’s just my trusty Space Unicorn. He doesn’t do much. Just sits there. Looks awesome. No lasers shoot from the eyes and it doesn’t poop glitter. It just does it’s own awesome thing. It was probably attracted to my awesome manliness and my sweet bachelor pad. *Yeah right. It was probably attracted to your virginity!*

Hey, you take that back! *Can’t take back what hasn’t been lost yet* Fair enough. I just like it because it’s pretty and sparkly.

Lifesize Unicorn Head

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

lifesize mounted unicorn head
For $555.55 you can decorate your home with a Lifesized Unicorn Head. Good call putting it by the door. *Guy comes home wearing swiss cheese clothing.* Honey, I’m home! *Wife rushes to the door with a kiss. Impales hat on unicorn horn and removes his coat. Stabs his coat down too.* Honey, I don’t mind that you collect weird stuff, but I think it’s time for a new coat rack. And for God’s sake, STOP taking selfies with it!
Read more “Lifesize Unicorn Head”

Behold The Creepicorn

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

creepicornThis ham-fisted, smurf colored cherub of doom either tripped and got an ice cream cone stuck in his head or is part unicorn. If those huge hands with their well manicured nails get a hold of you, it’s game over man.

Frame this fine art print up and creep up your living space for $20-$50. I wouldn’t put it by the bed, unless you like laying awake at night, shivering in fear.