Send all of your friends these cool Bigfoot and Chupacabra Greeting Cards from CreatureCardsDesign. In my case that means the mailman and the lady at the grocery store. They feature fun art and on the back there is a description of the monster’s origin and some sightings. But they don’t tell you what to do when you have a sighting. I can help with that: If you see these monsters, bend over and kiss your ass goodbye. Especially if you see the Chupacabra. He will suck your blood like a demon who just discovered a crazy straw for the first time. Except his straw is his tongue. I know, gross.
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Tag: unique
Cthulhu Steampunk Goggles
Wearing these Cthulhu Steampunk Goggles is like playing peek-a-boo with Cthulhu himself. Here, try these on. I’m blind! I’m blind! All I can see is Cthulhu’s tentacles. Get him off me! Get him off me! Oh wait, I had the lens caps on!
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Wreck The Halls – Moose Poop Christmas Ornaments
These Moose Poop Christmas Ornaments are not just moose turds that you fling at your tree. They are highly polished pieces of poop attached to various brass and other backgrounds. I was always told that you can’t polish a turd, but I guess Etsy seller sharkman123 has found a way. I especially like the one that is a butterfly carrying a big shiny steamer as if it’s going from one butt to another, pollinating poop. You don’t see that everyday. More like Butt-erfly. Am I right? Except this kind evolves from a scat-erpiller. And that’s the straight poop!
Merry s**ts-mas everyone.
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Evil Eye Necklaces – Stop Looking At Me!
You giving me the evil eye? Okay, cool. As long as it’s not the stink eye. Or the pink eye. These Evil Eye Necklaces from Etsy seller SharaJewels are a great accessory. I’m calling this one Iris. So how do you make this kind of eye jewelry? Well, you have to learn and be a good pupil. You have to sit in school and learn and not say anything corny…a. You gotta have 20/20 focus, or if ya don’t you can always hit up lenscrafters, where they laugh at you and fit you with a pair of old timey nerd-glasses, but that may have just been a special treat just for me.
Anyway, I really just want this one to stop looking at me, cuz it’s kinda flirty and kinda dirty. Which makes me feel self conscious. So stop it.
Godzilla Necktie
Stop stomping around the office you imbecile! And get those reports on my desk within the hour. Sorry boss, but this sweet Godzilla Necktie just kind of takes over, you know? I’m stomping around Tokyo. Those staplers and other company property that I just crushed with my feet? That’s Tokyo. I’ll get those reports to you within the hour sir.
Forty minutes later…
*Bursts through the bosses wall like the Kool-Aid man, with a loud monster shriek, flailing my arms as I drop the report on the desk.* I’m fired aren’t I? Yeah, I’ll just pack up my stuff. It’s been fun.