Tag: fine shart

Turning Laundry Into Money: Levi’s Jeans Sculpture

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

levis jeans artThis is a pile of dirty laundry turned into a Jeans sculpture by artist Chris Riggs. He basically stapled a bunch of Levi’s jeans onto a piece of wood so they could have a denim orgy and fetch $1,999. from some bidder who needs pants on their wall.

Big deal. My pants do this all the time. I take ’em off, throw ’em over a frame hanging on my wall and they either stick or they don’t. I don’t make a big deal about it and call it “art”. Some people. Actually they always stick. Then they get stiff and it’s impossible to tear them off. The mound sticks out like 2 feet now. I use the pockets as an organizer to hold pens and stuff. As you might have guessed, I don’t get much company.

Fine Shart: Hands On Keyboard With Stick Figure

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

fine shartFor $79. you can own a pair of hands on a keyboard, that also shows a stick figure kid off to the side. Hey, when your kid is home from Kindergarten with the flu, you get that kid crafting. Then you sell it on ebay. It teaches them about capitalism.

“Daddy, look what I made. It’s your hands as you write on Creepbay.” Tear to my eye. That’s great champ. Hug.

Two weeks later…Waving around the cash. “Hey Kid, look what I made. Gonna need you to stay home today. Try to come up with something a little better than Daddy’s hands this time. Study this Picasso guy.”

Daddy’s hands indeed. The kid ain’t too bright. If they were daddy’s hands, they would be all over mommy. He knows that.

Bigfoot Vs. Alligator Painting

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

bigfoot paintingDamn. Bigfoot is in trouble. He’s taking on an Alligator and getting his leg bitten off. Big mistake. Everyone knows that Alligators love Bigfoot meat. Why do you think you can’t find Bigfoot? Because they are in the stomachs of Alligators. That’s why.

It’s the same reason you can’t find Doritos in my town. Cause I already got em. Better luck next time son. Many a man has lost his hand to my snapping jaws as he reached for a bag of Cool Ranch. They had that same look on their face as Bigfoot has here. Nacho day fool!

See what I did there? Doritos make everything awesome and keep bloggers fed for like weeks. Where’s my insulin? Whatevs. Probably in the bottom of this bag. I’ll let you know.

Vampire Vs. The Moon Painting

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

vampire vs moonIt’s the titan of Transylvania versus the mighty moon. Fight! This painting depicts the ultimate showdown between the mythical vampire and our very own orbiting satellite. Just look at that vampire staring out his window and raging at the moon.

*Heavy Transylvania accent* “I curse you moon. You are made of cheese and are only good for the jumping of cows to leap over. Come at me bro. You are pock-marked like the face of a zitted teen.”

“Shut your fanged mouth Vlad, before I go all FULL on your ass and send some Werewolves to pay you a visit. You just trippin’. That’s why they call you Vlad the Inhaler. Nice pajama cape BTW.”

“How dare you? Shut your moon mouth. Why must I spend all my nights with you? My fist I shake at you, glowing demon. Leave me be to prowl the night!”

“Whatevs. Freak. Whatever you do, I’m here watching. Haha. I own the night!”

“No. I own the night! …But I will now close the curtains and own the night in this way.”*sighs*

Serial Killer Show And Tell

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

serial creeperMeet Ebay seller michael_francis_brown. I don’t know what his deal is, but he sells art. Most of his listings are pretty mundane, but occasionally he let’s his inner creeper out and dons a Jason Voorhees mask, playing a little game we like to call “serial killer show and tell”.
Read more “Serial Killer Show And Tell”