What could be more welcoming than a Vampire Bat Door Knocker? That’s the kind of house I would walk up to and say, “Nice knockers!” and mean it. Gonna need a door mat to go with my door bat though. So Gothic, so spooky.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Bat.
Bat who?
Bat-choo. I’m a bat with a cold! Which means I can only take Nyquil, not Dayquil. Cuz I’m a bat see? I’m also batsy!
Hope you pick a winner. Ya booger. This Pick A Winner Booger Soap shines a bright light on that disgusting habit you have. Picking your smell-hole for slimey green nuggets. I don’t know about you, but I usually wait until late at night, then flick ’em at the wall. Which explains why I go to bed with a white wall and wake up to a speckled green one. DIY room makeover. Take that one HGTV.
Read more “Pick A Winner Booger Soap”
This Gargoyle Hourglass will let you know when an hour is up. Is it time yet? No. Is it time yet? No. Is it- WOULD YOU JUST LOOK AT THE HOURGLASS? Never mind, this one empties in 5 minutes. It is time. It is past time. We are late. Late for a very important date.
This thing has a cool gargoyle design and is going to look great in your home. I’ve never seen your home, but I’m just guessing, cuz this hourglass is pretty damn awesome.
In the future man will do battle with deadly cyborgs, decapitating them and decorating with their bio-mechanical heads. Behold Cyborg Skeleton Bookends. They say, “When not out killing cyborgs to survive a harsh wasteland-hell existance, I like to sit and enjoy a good book with a cup of tea. Otherwise if I see a robot, I murder it.”
These are going to look cool with all of my big-boy books that i don’t read cuz no pictures. I’m gonna set them up, one of each side of my books, then when they least suspect it, gonna remove the books and slap their heads together 3 stooges style. Quiet ya numbskull!
Stackable Animal Fetuses. Why the hell not? They are like building blocks I guess. The building blocks of life. Meet rhino fetus, elephant fetus and hippo fetus. Hippo fetus is the worst. That fatty is always leeching vital nutrients and minerals from the others. I don’t know. Put ’em on your desk. Stack ’em on top of each other. Spin ’em like a top until the fetus is dizzy. I just have no idea here. I’ll have to gestate on it for awhile….
I’ve decided that they are the “in” thing right now. In utero!