What are you gonna do on a rainy day? Just sit around depressed? Well, yeah, duh! But you can also do something else. Like color in this Horror Movies Rainy Day Activity and Coloring Book. I like to drink all night and then try to stay in the lines. Then in the morning I grade my work. Not happy about what I see either. Recently had to call my mom and have a parent teacher conference, too. “He doesn’t apply himself and is way behind the other kids. Is there anything going on at home that we should know about?”
Author: Artemis Winterford
Dragon’s Breath Victorian Ring
So that’s what Dragon’s Breath looks like. I pictured something more like dirty undies and onions, mixed with fire. Have a mint bro! This Dragon’s Breath Victorian Ring puts the breath of the dragon right on your finger. I think I can see it swirling around in there, along with the souls of everything it recently ate.
Pffft! I capture dragon’s breath every morning when I wake up facing the wife. One tic-tac gently slid into the cheek usually does the trick.
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Human Heart Candle – Turn On Your Heart Light
Boom-boom. Boom-boom. Boom-boom. That’s the sound this Human Heart Candle makes. What, yours is all pitter patter? Yeah, but did you have a six pack of Red Bull and a bag of Oreos? That’s what I thought. Uh-oh. Just started going boom boom boom. *Listens with my stethoscope against the heart. Heart puffs up and then contracts. Something smells funny. I look at the patient.* Did you just heart in here?
Have a heart and heart this hearty heart. I bet you don’t drive much Mr.Heart, cuz I can see you lack the blood vessels. Zing! I like you so much I’m gonna give you an award. Here have this plaque. Oh… Looks like you have enough already. Zing! Alright, don’t have a coronary!
Classic Horror Monster Nesting Dolls
It’s a little known fact that monsters, like birds, love to nest. Except that monsters are so freaky they like to nest in each other. Like these Classic Horror Monster Nesting Dolls. Who knows why monsters do what they do. It’s weird. It’s basically monster sex, which seems wrong. But what do I know? Anyhow, this cool set is going to look great on your desk or shelf.
It includes Frankenstein, Dracula, Phantom of the Opera, The Creature, Mummy, and Wolfman. What’s up with the Phantom? I can think of lots of better places to be a phantom of than the opera. I would be phantom of the Burger King, phantom of the Playstation maybe… Still, it beats being phantom of the Oprah.
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Knit Human Centipede
Oh man… Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Knit Human Centipede. It is knit. It is human.(Vaguely. Looks like a bunch of knit fetuses pulling into a train station.) It is a centipede. That guy up front does not look happy about having to be the engine. Still better than being the caboose. I’d rather be draggin’ than gaggin’ if ya know what I’m saying.