Author: Artemis Winterford

Ewok Jumpsuits: No Head Needed

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Ewok Jumpsuits
Get your Yub Nub on with these cool Ewok jumpsuits and then take your head off and freak people the hell out. These jumpsuits look creepy as hell with no head. Being a furry has never been so fun. You know, a furry, these people who like to dress up like furry animals and rub all up each other while quoting My Little Pony episodes or something.

Why did they blur out the hands and feet? Were they really afraid they would be recognized? Were they worried that a match would come up on the hands and feet database?

Barbed Wire Corner Spider Web

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Barbed Wire Corner Spider Web
And I thought the spiders in my house were hardcore! This is a Barbed Wire Corner Spider Web. Probably made by some spider wearing a World War II helmet and carrying a rifle. Probably stacks it’s cocooned meals like sand bags. This is how prison spiders are too. Plus, they’ll shank you.

Nope. I don’t need that in my house. No way. No Mutha Effin curds and whey.

Alien vs. Predator Chestburster Lamp

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Alien vs. Predator, Chestburster, Alien Specimen jar, Night light stand, Scary night light stand, Predator Art, Predator movie prop, Film
Check out this Alien vs. Predator Chestburster Lamp. Chestbursters, the new candy from the makers of Starburst. One random alien egg per pack. Which one will make your chest burst? Seriously though, this is a cool lamp.

Put it in your child’s room if you want to pay for years of therapy. Or in my room, if you want me to jump out of my own window and run down the street naked and screaming.

Squirrel In Underpants Air Freshener

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Squirrel In Underpants Air Freshener
Oh nuts. I’ll keep this brief. Ha. Get it? If we have Squirrel In Underpants Air Fresheners, do you think squirrels have human in underpants air fresheners? At least this air freshener will smell better than your average squirrel. There’s that.

The squirrels around my area are more the boxer type. They don’t like briefs. Hey, boxers or briefs, what does it matter as long as you have a place to store your nuts? Am I right guys?

Skeleton Dinner Plates

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Skeleton Dinner Plates
Skeleton Dinner Plates. Winner, winner, X-Ray dinner. Perfect for a plate of ribs or some macabre-roni and cheese. “You’re not leaving the table until that pelvis is clean!” But mom! “No butts! That’s a tailbone.” You mean a coccyx! “What did you say young man? Go to your room!”

Mom falls for that every time.

These plates would be great for an old sailing ship with a minimal crew. You know why? Cuz they have a skeleton crew. Hahaha. I got a million of ’em. 206 to be exact. That’s how many bones are in the human body! Hahahhaahaha