Run for the border with this Realistic Handmade Taco Purse. It is great for holding your taco money. Obviously. It looks delicious.
I’ll just have two tacos to go.
But you already have one sir. Can I get you anything else?
No, see, this taco is not a taco. I need a real taco. Two of them.
Looks pretty real to me sir. Would you like anything to drink?
JUST GIVE ME @&%$**$# TACO! IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT MY BOWELS BE ON FIRE THIS EVENING?
This awesome $129. monster hat is just waiting to transform you into a furry three-eyed monster so you can go all om-nom-nom on somebody. It comes with claw mittens so you can go all Wolverine on your prey too.
I have to say, this is the cutest monster I’ve ever seen and I applaud the choice of bra over a furry chest piece. You can hide under my bed any time you want. Just don’t attack while the bed is rocking. Wait 30 seconds when you hear me reach for a kleenex. Otherwise things could get awkward.
What? I have a cold. Been coughing a lot and rocking the bed. These fits usually last about a minute and happen once a night. I’m a sick sick man.
Read more “Crazy Monster Hat With Claw Mittens”
Robert Downey Jr. is a rough and tumble cop who gets the job done. His boss is ready to throw the book at him. His wife is ready to throw divorce papers at him. And the whole city is throwing nothing but trouble his way. If he can just make it two weeks until retirement, he can rest easy. But first he has to go undercover as DOWNEY CRIMINAL ATTORNEY. Coming this summer.
Make the movie. Then buy this domain. You are welcome Hollywood!
Totally worth the $7,995. asking price from Ebay. Look at that awesome pic the seller made!
These $150. “Purgatory” Skull Heelless Wedges are named all wrong. They are clearly from Hell and forged from the souls of one hundred tormented shoe designers. You will be hell on heels, that’s for sure. Oh wait. No heels here.
Is this what’s hot this summer? Women are already taller than me when they wear platform shoes. Now, they are gonna be taller than me and look like a friggin’ demon.
Oh hello, I hate blind dates, what are you looking for in a man?*looks up at the goth Amazon princess. And up. And up. Neck hurts. Ow!*
*Eyes rolling back in her head. Voice like Barry White talking through James Earl Jones.* A virgin that can be kicked about the scrotum with skull wedges and then sacrificed to appease my ancient lord.
Well, that sounds like me. And since no one is raising their hands to make love to me real quick-like(I asked), I’m out!
Get the check b*tch. I’ll leave a tip: A virgin will easily outrun you in Skull wedges! Ha ha! I live to be celibate another day! Not much of a victory, but whatevs!
Read more “Mrs. Skeletor, I Presume: “Purgatory” Skull Heelless Wedges”
These lizard eye sunglasses will make you look just like our reptilian overlords. You know, the ones secretly in charge of the shadow government. I assume that means that a bunch of bureaucrats are huddled in some dark room doing paperwork by flashlight. I have no idea. But I do know that the lizard people are sending messages to me telepathically via microwave transmissions.
Now they will think I am one of them. Sweet! I’m in the secret society! I will get one on live streaming and rip his fake human skin off in front of millions. The visitors are not our friends!
Then of course they would eat me. Maybe. I’m counting on the fact that I am pumped so full of GMOs and pesticides, that I will take some with me.