Alien Perfume

Alien Perfume
I can only guess that Alien perfume smells like a cross between uranus, which they are probing, and the smell of pee from when you peed yourself during their experiments. Now you can wear the scent of a defiled and scared human all day long.

It comes in a cool bottle that looks all weird and alien. I’m pretty sure this is part of their plan. This scent will get you noticed. And when they notice, they’ll suck you up in the spaceship and then the fun begins.

Game of Molars: Crown Of Teeth

crown of teeth
When you play the game of molars, you chew or you don’t. There is no middle ground. Also… Dentures are coming!
Also…. A Lannister always pays his dentist.

This crown of teeth lets you wear some pearly whites on your head, which would feel like your head is in the mouth of some weird beast. Now you know how your food feels.

Flying Bats Necklaces

Flying Bats Necklaces
These Flying Bats Necklaces from BellaMortaJewelry will put a whole bevvy of bats on your buxom bosom. I can practically hear them chittering and flapping their wings as they whoosh away into the twilight. I wish I was one of them. I want to be free like the bat, but every time I sleep hanging upside down I wake up on the floor with a neck injury.
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Beetlejuice family costume

Beetlejuice family costume
Beetlejuice. He’s the ghost with the most. Wish he was a game show host. Check out this Beetlejuice family costume. This will get you a lot of candy on Halloween this year. And it beats cutting holes in kids bags and picking up the candy trail. I had that career for about two hours until my chocolate covered face looked up into the light of a policeman’s flashlight. I barred my teeth and growled. Then bolted! Never looked back. But I think the cop slipped a tootsie roll and threw his back out. Cuz he said so between curses.

Damn that kid makes a creepy Beetlejuice! I wanna look like that when I’m an old man.

Cool And Scary Traveler’s Bags

Cool And Scary Traveler's Bags
These travel bags from Etsy seller creatureog are kinda scary and spooky. You carry a bag like this and people will think you are a witch, or a gypsy. Me, I don’t rush to judgement.

What about that time you outed a witch at the grocery store?

Yeah well she got like $700 in groceries for $1.98. Tell me that wasn’t witchcraft!

They were filming Extreme Couponing for TLC.

Witchcraft! And if you say otherwise I’ll burn you at the stake!
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