Category: Creep Wear

Fleece Sloth Animal Hat

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

fleece sloth hat
This Brown Fleece Sloth Animal Hat will keep you warm, but it will take all damn day to do it. Do you have any idea how slow Sloths are? They’re full of slow slothhy sloth-ness, which is a medical condition. You would have to tell this hat, “Hey, I’m going out next week and it’s going to be cold. I’m gonna put you on my head now. So get your s*it together and start placing your arms in ear-warming and scarf positions now.”

It might be ready by next week if you’re lucky. What the hell is the Sloth’s problem? It’s so damn chill and slow. The stoner of the animal kingdom. Are there no predators you are worried about? Speed it up man! Even I got predators. What’s that? Oh right. Those are creditors. Always get them confused.
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Custom Gamecube Purse

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Gamecube Purse
This Custom Gamecube Purse is perfect if your name is Princess Zelda or Princess Peach. Also if you want to be able to cave some guy’s skull in when they try to steal your purse. I say, if a woman is going to wear a Gamecube purse, she should at least let a nerd like me plug my controller into her port, but then again, I’ll use any excuse to both talk to a woman and to plug my controller in her port.

Why isn’t it working? You are my dream woman, but where’s your screen? I have to say I’m very disappointed.

Last Supper Clothing: Surprisingly Doesn’t Cost 30 Pieces Of Silver

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

last supper skirt and shirt
Dining with Jesus? Wear this Last Super Skirt and Dress! Hey Jesus. What up? Should be a good meal. Did you order yet? I hear the fries are awesome here. What? Nah, it’s just a dress. Doesn’t mean anything. Chill dude. How about turning my water into wine here?*gulp* Gotta be honest. Tastes more like vinegar.

Well it’s been a slice. Gotta go. Hey let me take care of the bill. No, it’s my pleasure. Passes some silver to the guy behind me.
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Wear This Pizza Hat To Pizza Hut

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pizza hat
Mama mia! Why you a wear da pizza on your head? Pizza hat! Hmmm. Tough choice. Pizza Hut or Pizza Hat? Imma do both. All the fine Pizza Hut ladies are going to be eyeing my pepperoni. They might even think I own the place. They’ll invite me backstage so I can see how the pizza is made, ask for my autograph.

Then when it’s time to go, I’ll pick up my pizza hat and slam it on my head. And since it was a piping hot pizza and not my hat, half my face will be burnt off and I really will own the place thanks to a sweet lawsuit and a shady lawyer. It’s criminal to let just anyone back there with hot lava pizzas. Especially an idiot like me.

You guys should totally come check out my new franchise. I’m gonna do what they should have done a long time ago. Get the rights to Jabba the Hutt and market the shizz out of these pizzas. Free slice to anyone wearing pizza clothing. Ladies, give me your number and I’ll stuff your crust while you wrap me in bacon. Cool? Life is sweet for a pizza entrepreneur.

Leaping Lizards: Handmade Costumes For Bearded Dragons

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lizard costumes
Etsy seller PamperedBeardies makes all kinds Handmade clothes for lizards, because you don’t want lizards just waving their junk all over the place. Hey, I have a beard! Nobody ever pampers me. Well, except for that one night in the hotel with the midget, but that was a box of Huggies, not Pampers. And as far as I know I got rid of all of the evidence afterwards, except for the talcum powder smell.

Get your lizard an awesome shark costume, Princess Leia, a Mexican Fiesta costume, the Easter Bunny and more. What, no tuxedo? No business suit? What if my lizard wants a career?
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