“These Nightmare Monster Doll Christmas Ornaments scared the balls off of me.”
-My Christmas tree 2016
Looking for some nightmare fuel to keep the yule log burning all winter long? You’ve found it. These monstrous mutations from LaFemmePetit will scare the ever lovin’ pine needles off your tree and make the holidays horror-filled.
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So… That happened. The Human Centipede Ginger Bread Man wants to be your new favorite holiday decor. Looks like they have a good ginger bread train going there. All aboard! Choo choo! If you’re gonna do the whole human centipede thing, I guess being a ginger bread man is the way to go. That way, all you taste is ginger bread, instead of you know, butt. I love that guy’s face in front. He’s all like, “Holy shizz! I did not see my day going like this!”
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Exerience the softer side of Freddy with this cute Crocheted Freddy Krueger. He kind of looks like an old man with that hat. Like he’s retired and playing golf in Florida somewhere with other retired movie slashers. The only nightmare on elm street these days are when his back pain is flaring up. Or when the weather makes his joints hurt. Hell, I’m not even scared of him anymore. He probably plays cards with my grandmother and bitches about the price of just about everything. I kinda feel sorry for him. Maybe he’s in an old folks home, drooling in some chair, lazily slashing at the air, reliving his glory days. Mouthing some words that no one can understand. Taking his pills every night.
See. Nothing to be scared of. Unless this is all part of his game to lure me in… Now I’m not sure. I’ll get back to you guys and let you know if I get attacked by this old dude. Or if I end up playing Scrabble with him. Hey, why wouldn’t I play? I like winning. Dude’s a vegetable.
This Gothic Child In A Coffin is… Well he’s gone. RIP little dude. Don’t worry, it isn’t real. But don’t tell black hooded, stitchy, smiley face there. He’s still in mourning. This would make a great display piece in your haunted house, mausoleum or house of horrors. Now, let us have a moment of silence for this little Gothic guy………………….*Farts* I’m so sorry. Oh my gosh. I had a huge lunch. No disrespect intended- *Squeeeeaaaaaak* I’m just gonna show myself out. Nobody light a match.
This Hannibal Zombie Elf On A Shelf is the elf on a shelf inside of a cell, wearing a muzzle. I guess the North Pole is a bloody place, with some sick and twisted elves. Now this guy can terrorize you in your own home during the holiday season. Keep that mask on so he doesn’t bite you. Or worse, eat you. With a bottle of wine. I wonder what wine goes best with me… Hmmm. No way I would let this guy in my home, but you make your own call. That call should be to the police as this elf is around your neck with a little knife.