Category: Creepy Dolls

The Not-A-Cat: It’s Not A Cat

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not a cat stuffed toy
The Not-A-Cat is not a cat. It just looks like a cat. Maybe you are allergic to cats or can’t afford to care for one. Well, now you can have Not-A-Cat. And just like a real cat, this thing will sleep all day and ignore you. The idea is that this lump of fur looks like a sleeping cat. You can stuff it into the corner of your couch and it will make it look like you have a real honest to glob cat, when in reality you have no one and nothing that cares for your company.

It’s not a cat. Just so we’re clear. It never claimed to be. It never will. It just wants to fill that lonely void in your life.
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Limited Edition Demon Barbie Doll

Artemis Winterford1 Comment

demon barbie doll
OMG! It’s Cloven Hoof Barbie! Can I get it mommy? Can I? *Mom is busy taking selfies and making duck lips* That’s nice dear, just put it in the cart.

That was my childhood. Thanks for not being there, random dude I don’t know, who may or may not be my dad, and who wasn’t there to make me play with tools and trucks so I could be all manly. I never did get that Limited Edition Demon Barbie Doll, because mom had to give the guy in the parking lot a $20 in exchange for a small bag of baking powder. But I did leave wearing some new high heels that no one noticed.

Broken homes are no joke people. It made me the Sex in the City watching man I am today.
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Gigantic Worry Eater: Great, Now I’m Really Worried

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plush worry eater
The idea behind this Gigantic Worry Eater is that kids can feed it their worries, fears, doubts, and anxieties. Just write down a worry or fear, shove it into its mouth, and zip its lips shut. Your worries are supposed to be gone. Problem is, this creepy, striped and head-tentacled monster is pretty effin’ scary. He’s gonna be the cause for any worries your kids have.

*Writing* Dear Worry Eater. Please don’t eat me. Please stop watching me while I sleep. Why is your fat body big enough to fit me inside? I hope this note appeases you and that in your great wisdom, you decide to spare my life. Signed, your victim for all time. P.S. Sorry for stuffing you full of dirty socks in an attempt to kill you and escape my torment.

Crazy Demonic Succubus Barbie Doll Made With Cat Bones

Artemis Winterford2 Comments

succubus demon barbie
I always knew that Barbie was a demon spawn from hell, bent on ruining the lives and the credit scores of those she touches with her fiery demon heart. Sorry, was talking about my ex Barbie, who is also a succubus. No, this doll actually looks much friendlier.

According to the seller this Barbie is named “Lacertia and she comes from the planet Nocturnia, a magnetic colossal asteroid. When she isn’t shopping, she is destroying other worlds with a smile on her face!”

See, now I’m confused, because it sounds like the demon I knew.

This doll was modified using Bobcat bones, with cat bones in her wings and scythe. It’s like the Grim Reaper is a little girl and this is the toy that daddy Reaper conjured up for her. This doll probably lives in the Malibu Nightmare house and sleeps in a cocoon of Ken’s skin.
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Pocket Fetusoids: Poke-Fetus?

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fetusoids
Pocket fetusoids! Fetuses for your pocket. If my geek speak is correct Pocket Fetusoids roughly translates to Poke-Fetus. And you know what that means. You gotta catch ’em all. Except I’m pretty sure that Poke-Fetuses are not caught with red/white Pokeballs, but captured with some sort of slimy womb-balls. He he. Womb balls. That’s hilarious. Womb balls are the next big thing. Just bounce them around until you find the prize inside. A gooey fetus! It will change the game of Basketball forever!

Back on track. All on my own too, without meds. So anyways, Pocket Fetusoids, some of which look like Jake the Dog. Note to self: Kickstart the National Fetusoid League and get some players onboard.
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