ButtHeads Are Cuddly Plush Cigarettes

buttheads cigarette plushWhat a bunch of ButtHeads. Some are cute and some look grumpy, but these butts are for cuddling not for smoking. You can choose from: smoked, not smoked or stepped on. Pro tip: If they come home with lipstick on their filter, you know they have been cheating on you.

These huggable and lovable butts might even help you quit smoking. Just punch it or hug it. Or both. While others are lighting up in their smoking areas, join them with your ButtHead and softly caress it as you smell that sweet smoke. Take it with you everywhere in place of smoking. On the bus, to the movies, to dinner. When the craving becomes too much, strangle your ButtHead. That’s what it’s there for. It’s sooooo hard to quit. Which is why your ButtHead will end up shredded, on the wrong side of a knife as you completely lose it.

Damn. That felt good. I need a smoke after that.

Garbage Patch Runts: Custom Garbage Pail Kids Made From Cabbage Patch Dolls

Garbage Pail kids dollsMichelle Martin is a brilliant lady. She takes Cabbage Patch Kids, which are already disturbing, and turns them into Garbage Pail Kids, which are even more disturbing. If you want to buy one you can check out the link above. Yeah, these are not your mother’s Cabbage Patch Kids that she beat other adults over the head for and served time for back in the day. Crazy times.

Beating yourself senseless over a doll is not a good idea. Unless it’s a love doll and you are just trying to get one out real quick while you’re alone. But I digress. These monstrosities don’t come with smiles and sweet little adoption papers. These Garbage Pail Kids only come with two things. Crazy mutations and (I’m guessing) a lot of emotional baggage.
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The Anorexic Dead: Zombie Barbies

zombie barbies
Hey, it’s Barbie. The doll that spawned a thousand eating disorders. Now she’s a zombie and wants brains. Well, she has always needed a brain, she just wasn’t smart enough to know it. Now she will rip it from your dead and bleeding skull just like she did with Ken’s nut sack.

You can choose from Lindsay Nohand, Britney Speared, Messica Simpson, ZooEYE Deschanel and more. Funny thing is, Barbie is eating better as a Zombie than she ever did as an ordinary waif/trollop. If she keeps eating those brains she might actually put some meat on her bones. It would be rotting corpse meat, but still.
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Custom Eraserhead Baby Figure

eraserheadThis custom built Eraserhead baby reproduction from David Lynch’s movie “ERASERHEAD” looks like a turkey leg with eyes. This is #3 of only 10 that will be produced. It’s made from high quality platinum silicone and F3 foam to simulate the feel of real tissue. In other words he is soft and squishy and icky.

Pffft. If it was a real eraser head it would have erased itself by now. Also: That thing is butt-ugly. Like, you better drown that butt in proactive cuz you have terrible butt-acne ugly. It’s up to $430 so far.
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Needle Felted Grumpy Goblin

Grumpy GoblinThis cute and grumpy $80 needle felted goblin is inspired by Brian Froud’s goblin drawings. You know, the conceptual designer behind classic movies like Labyrinth and The Dark Crystal.

Why so serious Grumpy Goblin? Probably because you are so easy to kill in RPGs. Even if you roll a 1, a critical fail, you can basically trip over your sword and still slash goblins to pieces. Ha ha. You suck. Any relation to grumpy cat? You guys probably attend the same grump-anger management meetings. Nothing? Not even gonna talk? Ahhh. You’re so cute! Who’s the cute one? Who’s the cute grumpy gus? Who’s the-

NO!

*Launches himself at my throat and tears in like a grumpy little weed whacker.*
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