Category: Geeky Cool Stuff

Palmistry Lampshade

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Palmistry Lampshade
Check out this cool Palmistry Lampshade. If I was a Palmist I would be all like, “Talk to the hand cuz the face don’t understand.” And I would have palm trees all over my reading room. No, not those palm trees. Palm trees that have human palms on every branch. And I would take Palm Sunday off, just cuz that’s what a Palmist does. And I’ll put Palmolive on the table and say, “You’re soaking in it!” And I would be able to tell from your palm who killed Laura Palmer. How many palm jokes can one man right? I don’t know, but I’m on fire like Napalm!

Actually, I’m tuckered out now. Not gonna palm it off on someone else. Just gonna stop. Not even a hairy palm joke. But I will say that I have no qualms about hairy palms.

Twin Peaks Coloring Books

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Twin Peaks Coloring Books
That gum you like is going to come back in style. Really? Cuz I prefer ABC gum. Already Been Chewed punk! *Grabs gum out of the midget’s mouth and pops it in mine.* These adult Twin Peaks Coloring Books are pretty awesome. And that’s a damn fine cup of coffee too. I can’t wait to color the log lady and give her a Hitler mustache.

The Notebook Of Cthulhu

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

The Notebook Of Cthulhu
You know what I would do with The Notebook Of Cthulhu? I would read every entry and find out who his crush is, find out what he really thought about the last season of Gossip Girl, say “I know, right!” out loud a few times, and munch on some popcorn, saying “Oh no he dit-int!” when he talks smack about the Kardashian clan. Then I would gently close it and wait for the next volume to be written. And hope that he never ever knows I read his diary.

By the way, did you read about how he was all tentacle to tentacle with that Kraken? I know, right! And don’t tell him I said so, but he was like, super crushed when Veronica wouldn’t go out with him. Crazy!
Read more “The Notebook Of Cthulhu”

Custom Creature from the Black Lagoon Lamp Shade

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Custom Creature from the Black Lagoon Lamp Shade
Hey Aqua lung… Talking to you fish-man. This Custom Creature from the Black Lagoon Lamp Shade will light your room in a swampy light that is gonna look awesome. The images were taken from 600 film grabs pulled off the DVD, then a greenish tint was added to give it that swampy look. Which is perfect for my room, what with all of the molds and puddles and stuff, from not cleaning. I saw a frog around here the other day even.
Read more “Custom Creature from the Black Lagoon Lamp Shade”

Jack Skellington Ceramic Bowl

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Jack Skellington Ceramic BowlAt last, I can eat my cereal out of an angry skull. This Jack Skellington Ceramic Bowl will have you singing, “What’s this? What’s this?” and jumping around on your too long, bony legs. Then your dad will smack you and say, “It’s a bowl stupid! Now sit down and eat!” My dad tolerated no shenanigans at the breakfast table.

Just pour your cereal in his gaping mouth, pour in the milk and eat up. Even though you’re eating from a skeleton’s mouth and getting all of his icky skeleton germs. “What’s this? What’s this?” *Slap!* “It’s the skeleton flu cuz you been mouth to mouth-ing with old bones. Now shut up and eat!”