Category: Dead Stuff

Weird New Age Taxidermy Squirrel Rug With Glowing Crystal Crown

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

new age squirrelThis strange New Age Squirrel taxidermy rug is all you need to meditate, alleviate and resonate with otherworldly forces. Channel an ancient Atalantean priestess. Maybe even see into a past life. Ask the magic squirrel carcass a question and if it’s glowing crystal crown lights up, it means that the light entities roaming the astral plain have an answer for you.

The quartz crystal points embedded in this dead squirrel’s head are her “crown”, lit with LEDs from within. More images below.

I was new agey like you once, until I channeled Elvis. I knew I was successful when I squeezed cheeks and released a 40 second fart. Obviously it was the old fat Elvis. Smelled like a dump truck hauling rotten peanut butter and banana sandwiches. That’s enough to get anyone to put their magic crystals and pyramid hats away forever.
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Heisenberg Breaking Bad Taxidermy Rat

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breaking bad ratI am the one who knocks…inside of the wall. What’s up Heisenberg? Cooking in the lab I see. Are those droppings part of the recipe? Damn Walt, get Jesse to sweep that up.

This Heisenberg rat and his little bag of meth can be yours for $125.78 from Etsy. The seller also has a Captain America rat and a Kurt Cobain rat, which you can see below.
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Pulp Fiction Rodent Taxidermy

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Pulp Fiction Rodent TaxidermyPulp Rodents! These furry little badasses are taxidermy rodents that look like Vincent and Jules. They have tiny suits with ties and even tiny pistols. They are probably arguing about a quarter-pounder with cheese while blowing some dude’s head off.

Looks pretty good. I’m guessing the seller put clothes and little guns by mouse-holes, only to find out that those losers never want to cosplay. The joke is on them, because in death, you will be made to wear this stuff. It is just the vicious circle of life.
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Turn Any Hipster Into A Cuckoo Clock With This Bird Head Brooch

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

bird bow tieNeed to up your wardrobe? Just put a bird on it. It’s like a chestbursting alien, only it’s a dead bird’s head. And there is no blood.

Just affix this $95 bird head to your shirt and you are now a cuckoo clock. Maybe you can rig it to pop out on the hour. I hope you and your fine feathered friend have lots of adventures together. Cuckoo. Cuckoo.

Click through for more bird-on-man images.
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Weird Taxidermy: Two Frogs Walk Into A Bar

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beer drinking frogsSomeone paid $25. for this. These guys are having a drinking contest. The guy on the left just slammed his bottle down, slammed down his hand and is like, “I effing got this!” *Huge frog burp* The guy on the right doesn’t even care. He’s just happy to be inebriated since the other frog is paying.

Fun fact: Carta Blanca means “blank check”. I know that because my landlord challenged me to a drinking contest once. Halfway through, he’s all like “Carta Blanca! Rent Gringo!” I’m like, “What? You know I don’t speak landlord.” He’s all like, “Pay rent. You sign. Leave amount blanca. That space for me to fill out.”

Now I know better. Fool me once shame on me, fool me twice, shame on you. Now I get a discount on rent, because his buddy(Guy named Coyote apparently) comes around once a month and hides stuff in my house. Sometimes people. It’s a game they play.