Tag: roadkill

Mini Roadkill Raccoon

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Mini Roadkill Raccoon
Mini Roadkill. It’s like life-sized roadkill, only less messy, with less stink and decomposing. This Mini Roadkill Raccoon will make a great accent piece for your desk, table, shelf, wherever you need a small animal with tire tracks across it’s flattened body. Do you think his name is Stanley? As in flat Stanley? Speaking of that dude, maybe you can mail this guy back and forth across the world, as a reminder to look when you drive. I’m just spit-balling ideas.

I have no idea what to do with a flattened Raccoon. Put it on your Christmas tree behind an elf on a cycle, so it looks like he’s leaving the scene of an accident. Or maybe it was no accident. Elves are demented like that.

Road Kill Toys: They’re In A Better Place Now

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roadkill plush toys
Road kill. There’s them that kills ’em and keeps on driving and them that eat’s ’em and thanks ’em for dyin’! Get yourself a snugly and cuddly creature who has been smooshed into a pancake with it’s guts sticking out. I’m getting one of these Road Kill Toys for my nephew. It’s educational. It will teach him to look twice before crossing the street. And make him cry.

These already-been-killed stuffed animals feature zipped sides that let you pack their spilled organs back in. Plus each one comes in its own clear plastic body bag. Nice!
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Roadkill Bunny Rabbit Costume

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roadkill bunny costume
This Roadkill Bunny Rabbit Costume begs the question, why did the bunny cross the street? To get to the other side. Get it? The other side? As in the afterlife. Now you can be a roadkill rabbit this Halloween. Complete with blood and gross entrails sticking out everywhere.

Why wait until Halloween? I’m gonna wear this and lay on my neighbor’s lawn next Easter. That way those neighbor kids will know that the bunny died for their sins.
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Weird New Age Taxidermy Squirrel Rug With Glowing Crystal Crown

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new age squirrelThis strange New Age Squirrel taxidermy rug is all you need to meditate, alleviate and resonate with otherworldly forces. Channel an ancient Atalantean priestess. Maybe even see into a past life. Ask the magic squirrel carcass a question and if it’s glowing crystal crown lights up, it means that the light entities roaming the astral plain have an answer for you.

The quartz crystal points embedded in this dead squirrel’s head are her “crown”, lit with LEDs from within. More images below.

I was new agey like you once, until I channeled Elvis. I knew I was successful when I squeezed cheeks and released a 40 second fart. Obviously it was the old fat Elvis. Smelled like a dump truck hauling rotten peanut butter and banana sandwiches. That’s enough to get anyone to put their magic crystals and pyramid hats away forever.
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Nothing Says Luvin Like Possum In The Oven

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possum stewCanned roadkill. It’s what’s for dinner. It’s Mmmmm Mmmmm good, drenched in a thick coon fat gravy sauce. So delicious and nutritious! I don’t want to hear any whining. Eat it up boys and girls and please ask for seconds because mama bought the economical family size on Ebay for y’all. Read more “Nothing Says Luvin Like Possum In The Oven”