Look daddy. Teacher says every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings! Oh yeah? Well every time I light one of these Memento Mori Gothic Death Candles someone dies. Apparently. And also an angel gets it’s wings ripped off. Apparently. I have no proof. These candles will set a macabre mood. You can choose from: Gothic Grim Reaper, Macabre Death Gothic, Tempus Fugit With Skull and Memento Mori Gothic Candle. But I could talk about these candles for hours. Stop me before I wax poetic. Get it? Wax? Tough crowd!
Category: Just Plain Weird
Jeepers Creepers Horror Movie Clock
Jeeper creepers, where’d ya get those peepers? Jeepers Creepers where you get those eyes? Probably from some other dude’s skull, cuz look at this guy. Don’t mess with him. This Jeepers Creepers Horror Movie Clock is pretty awesome. What time is it? Oh, it’s half past the severed head. I’m gonna be late! This clock has an axe for a pendulum that swings back and forth too.
Frightening Furniture – Stool Full of Skulls
This Stool Full of Skulls will look great in your catacomb room. What? I thought everyone had one of those. Not sure if I want to buy it though. I may have to request a stool sample. That way I can make up my mind.
Waits a week for it to be delivered.
Hey, why’d you send me poop? Ohhhhhh, I get it. I need to choose my words more carefully. Also, they didn’t have to light it on fire and ring the door bell. That was just mean.
The Hour Is Nigh – Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Unicorns
If it isn’t the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Unicorns! Collect the whole set. Behold, four horrific unicorns: Death, Famine, Pestilence, and War. Not sure, but I think these may be knock-offs cuz I don’t see any cutie marks on their butt. Oh that’s- Nevermind. My bad. Also, I noticed you call them horsemen, but they don’t appear to be horses that look like men. They also don’t have riders. Also, they are unicorns. So what gives?
I’m gonna pit them against each other and save the world! Pestilence can kill War with a plague, Famine can kill Pestilence, Death will kill Famine and… Holy unicorn crap! There’s just no way to beat Death!
Okay, I can do this. Gotta get my head in the game. Instead Famine kills death… But wait, he’s death. How do you kill death? There must be a way to solve this riddle. Start again. Start again. Damn, changing up the order doesn’t work. It’s always death! Death! Death! *Screams, then collects myself with some deep breaths*
Oh well, looks like we are all screwed. I tried! I really tried guys! Death is just too powerful. Hey, at least none of them are named taxes. Am I right?
Sexy Velociraptor Body Hug Pillow Case
Well, hello there. You are one sexy Velociraptor. I am gonna make sweet love to you until you are dino-saur. Baby you are-
*Door opens*
What?! Nothing is happening here. Just admiring this fun Sexy Velociraptor Body Hug Pillow Case. What do you mean my hips were gyrating? It’s called dancing.
Dirty Dancing?
Very funny.
So you weren’t giving her a Jurassic Pork?
You are disgusting. She’s not like that.
So you weren’t giving her a big hard bang that would lead to the extinction of her species?
GET OUT! JUST GET OUT! YOU RUIN EVERYTHING!