I remember nunchuks. I spent hours alone in my room, practicing the art of hitting myself in the head, trying to look like Bruce Lee. Even now everything before nunchuks is a blank. And I drool a lot. These Hammer Nunchuks are even more deadly.
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Category: Just Plain Weird
Scary-Ass Canned Food Drive: Leprechaun/Elf/Boy Scout
I don’t know if this guy is a Leprechaun, an elf, or some undead freak of nature, but I’m confident that he earned the “creep the f**k out of everyone” badge and probably ate his scout leader too. Probably mixed the guy’s body with that can of baked beans I gave those little sh*ts last week when they hung a bag on my door (With several more on my lawn) and expected me to fill it with stuff I hate. Mission accomplished on that one. I gave them 2 cans of SPAM and a half case of Chef Boy’Ardee. Enjoy the GMOs troop unknown number with creepy looking scout leader.
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Be Fashionably Fecal With The Turd Brooch
Did you poop today? Me either. I’ve been told I need more roughage than what is traditionally in a Hot Pocket sauteed in Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. But when I do poop next, I am totally going to match that poo with one of these awesome turd brooches and wear that Cleveland Steamer with pride.
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Antique Grandfather Clock With Actual Grandfather Inside
You know how it is when you’re living with your grandfather. Old folks start forgetting everything you say the minute you say it. Every time they make toast the smoke detector goes off. Matlock is on the TV 24/7, only broken up by the occasional Golden Girls marathon. Then when you take them out of the house, it’s all, here let me get that sonny, and they pay with every penny they have ever collected, out of a coin purse that must be bigger on the inside like a TARDIS. Well, it might be time to get some nursing help, or put him in a home. Or you could just shove the old coffin dodger in a grandfather clock. That’s why they named it that, right? Must be. Seems legit.
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Crazy Scary Peeping Clown Plays a Deadly Game Of Peek-A-Boo
Just think of all the fun you could have with this scary window peeping clown! You could go around creeping out random neighbors, or maybe an in-law you don’t like. Just set this creeper up outside of their window, in the middle of the night preferably. Make sure to make some noise, like a scraping sound across the window…or maybe make some garbled maniacal crazy clown laughing noises. Don’t go for the cheap fake scare like in the movies. Then sit back and wait for the show to begin. All of the lights will switch on in the house. Then they will see the crazed clown staring at them and freak out. Hopefully not clutching their chest because you have given them a heart attack. Next, they will go running for the phone to dial 911 and get laughed at when they say,”There’s a killer clown on the loose in my neighborhood! Help!”
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