Tag: dead stuff

Dead Stuff: Bizarre Monkey Taxidermy

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

weird dead monkeyWhat the hell is this thing? Some weird taxidermy monkey I guess.  Maybe a baby bigfoot? Nah, if it was a baby bigfoot, the images would be all blurry and the voice in my head would have called bulls*it! But what does he know? Anyhow, this funky monkey is kinda cute. Thankfully he is no longer alive to transmit epidemic monkey viruses and such.

The seller had it listed for $395 or best offer on eBay. Sadly it sold before I could offer $2.59 in change and a lifesaver with cat hair and couch fabric embedded in it. If someone got this for 3 bucks, I’ll be mighty pissed off, because my next offer was to include the removal of said cat hair and couch fabric from the lifesaver. My calculations make this offer worth at least 3 bucks. Those watermelon lifesavers kick ass! I really gotta start upping my bids and offers.

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Dead Unicorn Rat Surrounded By Bubbles

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

rat unicornWhere Unicorns are sweet and magical and rainbow bright, and all about chasing virgins and pooping skittles, the Unicorn Rat is all about hanging on your wall and looking like an evil overlord.

His eyes will follow you wherever you go and he will shoot magical dark rays from his horn which make you do his bidding. (Things like making you dance in your underwear on a carpet of spring-loaded rat traps, while rubbing hot sauce all over your body. Yeah, he’s sick like that!) He is surrounded by glass bubbles of evil as if he is just now breaking into our plain of existence. Beware the Unicorn Rat. And whatever you do, DO NOT feed it.

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Venomous Vulture Raptor Chick Hatching From Egg

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Venomous Vulture Raptor ChickYou see this crazy-ass little monster here? This is why you either eat eggs or you stomp them into dust in the wild. Never collect eggs. Sooner or later, something is going to hatch out of that egg and kill you. Yes, even silly putty eggs! Not gonna go into that story here, but f**k silly putty! It should be called traumatic childhood trauma putty!

Anyway, if you like crazy stuff busting out from an egg and eating your face off, this Venomous Vulture Raptor Chick is for you. It is the work of an ebay taxidermist/mad scientist who never sleeps. And now, neither will you, if thing enters your home. This hatchling is made from western diamondback rattlesnake & domestic turkey chick parts. Cool. So basically the same stuff the FDA allows in Chicken Nuggets.

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Weird Friday The 13th Taxidermy Diorama Starring Chicken Voorhees

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Weird Friday The 13th Taxidermy Diorama Starring Chicken VoorheesHey Friday the 13th fans. There is a new reboot of the franchise. This one stars a dead baby chick as Jason Voorhees. You can buy it on eBay. This diorama is appropriately called Camp Crystal Lake. He looks like he just made a fresh kill. $120 bucks and it is yours.

Kangaroo Scrotum Keychain

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

kangaroo scrotumThis nifty Kangaroo Scrotum Keychain sold for $33 the other day. If a rabbit’s foot gives you luck, I wonder what a Kangaroo scrotum will deliver. More to the point, why are we mutilating things to increase our own luck? Oh well, who am I to complain? If this guy wants Kangaroo balls in his pocket, swinging around next to his junk, who am I to judge? Maybe he’s hoping to become the next pocket pool champion and he’s cuing up these Kangaroo nads for the game of a lifetime. Dream big my friend. You can accomplish anything if you set your mind(and the family jewels)to it.