I don’t know what’s up with me today. I’m all eyes and fingers. That’s what this guy is saying. This weird wall sculpture would make a perfect coat rack or key holder.
Just ordered one. When it gets here, I’m gonna attach him to my fly and walk around the mall. If I’m still a free man after a few hours, I’m gonna go home and put him on the back of my chair and force him to massage me. There’s a good pair of monster hands.
I guess the whole Bitten Baloney Sandwich on White Bread thing has become a decorating trend. Glad I could start a fad. You leave your sandwiches unattended often enough and people start to imitate you. I prefer PB and J myself.
This wall decal is bound to improve the value of your mobile home. I’m just assuming that if this is your sandwich of choice, you are not really dodging a tornado right now, while pink lawn flamingos and Budweiser cans whirl around you.
Not enough evil clowns in your life? Decorate your home with these Evil Clown String Lights. Can you hear them laughing? Stop laughing at me! Stop! *Covers ears.* Why do you torment me? Why? What happened to your front tooth? Leave me alone! *Falls to knees and starts crying. Microwave dings!*
Oh….Hot Pockets. Check you later psycho telepathic clowns! Nom nom nom.
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Hey skull dish, I’m gonna put candy in your brain hole and let people pick your brain. I just think it will be weird. Gotta keep my reputation as the local weirdo after all, or as the local police like to refer to me. “Code 71. Named for the year of my birth. Which I may be lying about just to throw you all off. I may be 60 years old. Then again I may be 22. Blog stars need privacy is all I’m sayin’.
*Screech. Crackle.* All units be advised. We have a code 71 in progress. Now the damn fool is making dogs eat from some kind of fake skull in the park, which is attached to his shirt making it look like he has a skull head. It is making old people vomit. Use of deadly force is authorized. Please use deadly force.
I would never stop opening the door if I had this Octopus Door Handle. *Takes it’s tentacle in my hand.* How do you do Cthulhu? You’ve got a great grip son. You are really going places. Probably to the bottom of the ocean, so you can drag me down and suffocate me. It’s cool. Do what ya gotta do. I’m not letting go.
I would also make it all sticky and slimy so people who enter my home get the full Octo-experience when shaking tentacles with a beast from the depths. Octo-experience! Welcome! You’ve been slimed. Now you get to see the suckers that live here. Get it? Suckers?
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