Tag: decor

Set of 4 Zombie Coasters With Crawling Zombie

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Set of 4 Zombie Coasters With Crawling Zombie
If I had friends I would definitely buy this Set of 4 Zombie Coasters With Crawling Zombie. Because how could you not? That zombie is holding up all of those coasters and has a crazy look on his face like, “You messy piece of s**t. Use one and keep your drink off the furniture!”

I just slam my drinks down on Netflix disks. Yep, I’m that guy. So the next time you put your disk in the player and curse when it won’t play, I hope you’ll think of me as you send it back. *Shrugs* DVD player broke. What? I’m just supposed to send them back without getting my moneys worth?

Giant Pickle Body Pillow

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Pickle Body Pillow
Ever find yourself in a pickle? Maybe you’re a pickle who finds himself reading in bed. Listen, this world is flippin’ crazy. I don’t know what to tell ya. As far as I know I am hallucinogenic-free. And I still saw it! I just saw a pickle reading in bed. He’s not even in a pickle. Just enjoying a good story. Gettin’ his juice all up in that bed so he can settle in and soak for the night. Like I do. I sweat a lot and stew in my own juices. That’s your TMI for the day. The more you know…

Giant Pickle Body Pillow. Basically the internet really freaks me out.

Alien Fetus Fossils

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Alien Fetus Fossils
I hate aliens. Always using our planet for their human experimentation. I don’t know what’s worse, that or the fact that their medical ships use the Earth as a place to chuck their alien fetuses. I’m not pro or anti alien abortion, I just think it’s nasty when our scientists dig up these Alien Fetus Fossils.

Bunch of intergalactic litter bugs!

Hand Soap, For Real

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Halloween Soap
Can you give me a hand and pass the soap? Uh, that’s not what i meant by hand soap but whatever. It will feel good to have a bony hand caressing my body as I bathe. I’m trying to picture Milo Kunis in the shower with me, but that bony hand rubbing my butt feels more like the withered hand of Betty White. Not saying I’m not into it, just saying it’s weird.

Easy there Betty, you’re gonna get me all lathered up!

Octopus Chandelier

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Octopus Chandelier
Octopus is a pretty popular decor choice this season. Despite the fact that this Octopus Chandelier looks like it is pooping a glowing orb that will gently fall through the air and land on your dining room table, exploding in a fiery mushroom. That probably won’t happen, but you never know. I farted too close to an electrical outlet once while preparing a chicken dinner and had the pants burned off of me in a flash.

You try explaining how standing buck naked inside a circle of ash that used to be your jeans and holding a chicken, is not in fact some dark ritual. All you can really do is step out of the circle and continue preparing the meal. As dignified as possible.
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