These Monster Hanging Chairs Scare The Sit Out Of Me

Monster Hanging Chairs
South African designer Porky Hefer has reimagined the nest chair as monster hanging chairs that will take a bite out of your butt if you sit in them. These chairs are all monster, all mouth, all the time. They are in orca, anglerfish, pelican, pufferfish, and crocodile versions. The series is called “Monstera Deliciosa”. That means that monsters find you tasty. This beats my attempt at making all of my chairs into monsters. *Looks at the googly eyes on my bean bag chair. Jumps on and sinks in, disappearing. Sticks my arm out, giving the thumbs up.* I’m all good peeps. Just give me like an hour until it spits me out.

Make a chair into a monster? I even tried insulting it, telling it that it would never be loved, and neglecting it in favor of the other chairs in the house. Unfortunately, how my parents made me a monster doesn’t work on chairs. I guess I’m not an artist. Whatevs. I’m pretty good at farting the A-Team theme song though. I’m a fartist.
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Ouija Board Coffee Table And Carpet

Ouija Board Coffee Table And Carpet
Sadly I can’t buy this cool Ouija Board Coffee Table And Carpet design, but if I could, I would wait patiently for Mormons, Jehovah’s Witness’ and other assorted door to door creepers, and invite them in. Yes you can tell me all about Jesus. Sit and have some coffee. I’ll go brew some.

*Flicks switch, activating the ghostly voices in the hidden speaker system. Also grabs the remote control which activates the wheels I installed on the planchette. Watches on the monitor as I make it spell out G-E-T…T-H-E…F**K…O-U-T!*

They run screaming.

That was fun. Now to post it to YouTube.

Gothic Cupboard

Gothic Cupboard
This Gothic Cupboard is cool is you have your house decorated in a Gothic theme. I wouldn’t know what to do with it though. My house is more slothic, but thats cuz I don’t move around a lot. I don’t even have any goths to store in a Gothic Cupboard. Do you guys know anyone that sells miniature Goths? Yeah, I probably shouldn’t get into the highly questionable illegal miniature Goth market. Besides, little people in makeup isn’t my thing.
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Kraken Tentacle Wall Decals

Kraken tentacles wall decal
Hey, what’s Kraken? These Kraken Tentacle Wall Decals, that’s what? It wants to give you a big hug, then pull you down to drown in the murky depths. Kind of like my Aunt Louise always did, except she’ll pinch your cheeks first, then pull you in for a hug so you can suffocate in her massive bosoms. That might not have been so bad, but Aunt Louise used to be Aunt Louie. I had an awkward childhood.

At family get-togethers my dad would hold him/her back at the door, then yell, “Unleash the Kraken!” and all the kids would run. I was always too slow.
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Evil Eye Lamp

Evil Eye Lamp
Hey, it’s the all seeing eye. Isn’t that what’s on the dollar bill? Also, the Illuminati uses it to indoctrinate those of weak mind. Illuminati? Nah. Illumi-nutty! No way they exist. That’s what I’m telling myself anyway. My head is in the sand. Firmly. No need to come after me. We cool now? Aight!

Okay. Then this Evil Eye Lamp is pretty awesome. It has color changing LED’s and it promises not to hypnotize you and make you do crazy stuff. But it will remain bloodshot because it has no eyelid to moisten it. Plus, maybe it has allergies.