What happens if you put an “elf on the shelf” on a Coffin Shelf? You get a dead elf on a shelf. But that’s beside the point. This Coffin Shelf With Hand Carved Spider Web Sides is great for your haunted horror home decor. I’m putting things on it that I want to take with me when I die. If it’s on the shelf, everybody knows I get buried with it. Right now I have a few bags of M & M s and some Kit-Kats on the top shelf. Basically, I’m buying two so they can just throw me in, slap them both together and I’ll have all my stuff. You gotta think ahead.
Tag: display
Spooky Room Lightbox
This Spooky Room Lightbox is a fun decoration. It’s perfect for putting my action figures inside of a haunted house and creating spooky scenes while I yell from the audience. “Cut! What the hell was that? Where is your motivation? Remember, the ghost salesmen killed your lover. Where’s the anger? I’ve seen cats give a better performance in the litter box. Emote damn you! Shed a tear! Now do it again with more feeling or so help me God you will never work in this town again R2-D2! C-3PO, kiss him like you mean it!”
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Wine Coffin Display
This Wine Coffin Display lets you display your wine in style. Break this baby open and drink up. Pretty soon you will be seeing the dead. Would you like some wine? But of corpse! The seller also says that you can display a doll inside, but a doll never got you blind stinking drunk, so I’ll go with the wine. Gonna drink until I’m embalmed with sweet wine and when I’m gone you can bury my liver in this coffin. It worked hard to get me where I am after all.
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Nightmare on Elm Street Freddy Krueger Glove Replica
I never sleep these days. Nightmares with Freddy chasing me? Nah. Accidentally been pouring NyQuil on my waffles. Which I eat before bed. I’ll probably be better in a few days. On the plus side, my cough is gone. So, there’s no way I’m scared of this Nightmare on Elm Street Freddy Krueger Glove Replica. Pfft, what could he possibly do to me? You gotta get me tired to catch me Freddy. Oh sh*t. I just realized it was the drowsy formula. Oh well. Be seeing you soon Fredster and we will do battle again.
This replica is screen accurate from the original A Nightmare on Elm Street, with a distressed leather-like glove, with real metal attachments. It even includes a mannequin hand to display it when you aren’t wearing it so you can chop meat and cut hair and stuff. Pretty cool. feeling a little drowsy now. Probably not a great item to feature before falling asleep and being at Freddy’s mercy. Gonna be a long night.
Santa The Hutt Shows Up At A San Francisco Fashion Store
I’m only posting this because I’ve gotten like 10 emails asking if I quit the blog to be a full time Jolly Fat Guy. The answer is no. It’s not me. This guy here is morbidly obese, I just strive for being mediocre obese. At best. So everybody just calm down. Enough Santa mail people. I don’t care if you’ve been naughty or nice. I ain’t coming to town! I’ll go to town on a bag of Doritos though…
Santa The Hutt here is located at the flagship store of Betabrand, a crowdfunding platform for designer clothes. Does he make you want to buy clothes? It looks like he can’t even fit in his own. Do you have any idea how long it is going to take a man of this girth to deliver gifts on Christmas Eve? Let’s just say he’s stopping the sleigh at every border for a puke and some gasping wheezing.
If I can make one suggestion to this overflowing Santa, it would be to shave that runway under his belly button. That’s just wrong.
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