Tag: doll

Cyclops Baby Doll: A One-Eyed, One-Horned Crying Purple Gerber Eater

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cyclops baby doll
Now here’s a face that only a mother could love. A Cyclops Baby Doll. He’s got one eye and a number two in the diaper. Maybe it’s a she. I have no idea. I just know that it used that horn to cut it’s way out of it’s mom’s belly.

Miss monster mother, you have a brand new baby- Oh, well, that’s unfortunate. *Screams fill the operating room. Doctor checks his watch.* Not two minutes old yet and it’s already poked out the eyes of two nurses. Now it doesn’t feel so alone.
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Limited Edition Demon Barbie Doll

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demon barbie doll
OMG! It’s Cloven Hoof Barbie! Can I get it mommy? Can I? *Mom is busy taking selfies and making duck lips* That’s nice dear, just put it in the cart.

That was my childhood. Thanks for not being there, random dude I don’t know, who may or may not be my dad, and who wasn’t there to make me play with tools and trucks so I could be all manly. I never did get that Limited Edition Demon Barbie Doll, because mom had to give the guy in the parking lot a $20 in exchange for a small bag of baking powder. But I did leave wearing some new high heels that no one noticed.

Broken homes are no joke people. It made me the Sex in the City watching man I am today.
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Gigantic Worry Eater: Great, Now I’m Really Worried

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plush worry eater
The idea behind this Gigantic Worry Eater is that kids can feed it their worries, fears, doubts, and anxieties. Just write down a worry or fear, shove it into its mouth, and zip its lips shut. Your worries are supposed to be gone. Problem is, this creepy, striped and head-tentacled monster is pretty effin’ scary. He’s gonna be the cause for any worries your kids have.

*Writing* Dear Worry Eater. Please don’t eat me. Please stop watching me while I sleep. Why is your fat body big enough to fit me inside? I hope this note appeases you and that in your great wisdom, you decide to spare my life. Signed, your victim for all time. P.S. Sorry for stuffing you full of dirty socks in an attempt to kill you and escape my torment.

The Shining Inspired Latex Dress

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The Shining Latex Dress
This shiny and tight latex dress was inspired by those twins from The Shining. You know, from that scene where the kid is all riding his big wheel through the hotel and he suddenly sees the scary twin ghosts just standing there. Then the murder scenes start flashing before his eyes. “Come play with us Danny!” That’s some scary shizz.

I have never been able to ride my big wheel since. Mostly cuz I’m adult and got too fat. And since I don’t have the confidence to approach women when not on my big wheel, well, I’m forever alone. Thanks Stanley Kubrick!

Porcelain Doll Head Tea Cups

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doll head tea cup
Make any tea party into an awkward and weird affair with these Porcelain Doll Head Tea Cups from Etsy seller ENDEceramics. *Sips tea with my pinky in the air* I like your tea cups. I especially like how your cup is looking at me and how my cup is looking at you as we sip. Just so I’m clear, am I a prisoner? Have I been poisoned? Just wondering because this scene is creepy as f***. *Feeling woozy* Yeah, I think I’ll pass out now. Don’t do anything too weird to me k? Don’t be like my dentist and tell me it’s normal to wake up with my pants down and wearing a hand puppet.

The seller has these doll head tea cups in white too if using a child shaped head as a drinking vessel appeals to you. Just don’t do anything too weird with them.
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