Tag: etsy

Gold Skull Bookends

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Gold Skull Bookends
These Gold Skull Bookends look pretty awesome cuz they’re shiny. Also cuz I just want to put some crazy eyes in those sockets. And I know you have a better book collection than these two books shown here. They look like cool ancient idols. *Stands before them. Wiggles my hands, loosening them up. Gently lifts one skull so my books don’t fall down. I smile and go to put the idol in my satchel. A mechanism clicks somewhere. Rumbling starts. Giant boulder comes down from the ceiling and chases me. I barely make it as I jump through my front door.*

You see why these are awesome? Again! Again!

Crazy Candy Dress

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Crazy Candy Dress
Candy Land called. It wants its candy dress back. At a recent Willy Wonka fashion show this dress stole the show. It’s made out of Rock candy, Sour straps, Marshmallow ropes, Gummi Grapefruit & M&M’s. You know, the five basic food groups. You could tell that somebody hack stage licked it all over and then hung it back up cuz it was covered in lint and hair. For $2,500. it better be lined with everlasting gobstoppers.

Wood Skull Smartphone Docking Station

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Wood Skull Smartphone Docking Station
If your smartphone was really smart, it would be sitting in this Wood Skull Smartphone Docking Station looking badass. Your phone would be all like, “I’m cool. I’m cool. Just kicking back. Gettin’ a charge.” Cuz you know, phones always talk to people. Cuz you’re psycho. I kid. I kid.

Okay, not really. My phone won’t shut up. Stupid Siri, getting a stupid sentient soul and gabbing my ear off. And you can’t turn it off at that point cuz it would be murder. It’s driving me mad!!!!
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Spaghetti Eating Spaceman

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Spaghetti Eating Spaceman
You spacey cretin! Damn you Spaghetti Eating Spaceman! How dare you come to my planet and eat all of the spaghetti. How dare you sir! Stop slurping spaghetti while I yell at you. Stick to the pipe cleaners on your home planet!

But seriously… I see it’s bring your child to work day on Etsy once again. Kids do the darnedest things. Bless.

What Big Eyes You Have – Ghost Doll Halloween Ornaments

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What Big Eyes You Have - Ghost Doll Halloween Ornaments
These Ghost Doll Halloween Ornaments look like tormented souls bursting through your wall. I’m gonna have nightmares about these guys tonight, where they burst through the wall singing in some kind of ghost language as they suck up the blue light of my soul into their hungry mouths and grip at me with those tiny hands. It will probably give me a little kiss on the lips just before my dead body falls to the ground.