Tag: etsy

Crow Black Magic Journal

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Crow Black Magic Journal
You want something to crow about? I’ll give you something to crow about! How about this awesome must have Crow Black Magic Journal. You can write all your black magic spells on the pages inside. Or draw funny cartoons. Or write down your ten favorite Spam recipes. Whatever you want. Spam recipes? Now that’s horrifying. It comes with an optional black feather pen. My now bald pet bird will be happy about that. He gives me feathers for pens. I lose them.

It’s so lovely and scary. I just want to touch it.

Stained Glass Corner Spider Web

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Stained Glass Corner Spider Web
Like I don’t have enough spider webs in my corners. You expect me to hang this Stained Glass Corner Spider Web up too? I refuse to get into your web of intrigue. What kind of web are you spinning? It looks terrifyingly poisonous and deadly. SpiderwoodHollow sells all kinds of spider webs. Just in case you didn’t have enough. I don’t know about you, but I like to throw them snacks while I’m watching TV, which explains why every corner of my house has Cheetos and Doritos levitating in place. Spiders are picky. They never even wrap them to eat later.
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This Vampire Bat Ring Covers All Your Fingers

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This Vampire Bat Ring Covers All Your Fingers
This Vampire Bat Ring covers my need for brass knuckles and bat jewelry in one handy ring. Bat-Knuckles is really what we have here. Mug me? No way! *BAM* Bat to the face! Now what’s up? Come at me bro! It’s about to get all batty up in this bizzelfry! That’s what I’m talking about! Some bat self defense. Okay, so maybe this bat ring wasn’t made for that, but it’s a cool bonus. This ring will cover all your fingers like you are getting a hug from a bat wing.

Billy From Saw Drink Coasters

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Billy From Saw Drink Coasters

Oh look, it’s that demented little freak from the Saw movies. Billy the puppet. What kind of sick game do you have for me this time? Protecting my surfaces from spills with these Billy From Saw Drink Coasters? What’s the catch? Will they self destruct in an hour while I have to saw my own leg off?

Oh I know what it is. They protect your surfaces from spills, but then you find out that the coasters themselves have stained your counter! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. You evil little son of a-.

Oh, I can’t stay mad at you. C’mere and give me a hug. Awww. Come closer. That’s it. There we go. *Shoves his face into the stain.* Don’t you ever f**k with my counter tops again. Bad puppet!

Rainbow Hologram Alien Backpack

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Rainbow Hologram Alien Backpack
This Rainbow Hologram Alien Backpack is all shiny and holographic. It’s the future. I already had a gypsy foretell this: It is the future. The world is a barren waste. Those that survive are butt-hurt due to the experiments of the alien invaders. Humans are enslaved with alien heads on their back. You alone will save the world. She also predicted that I would tip her well and she was right. I had board game money, she had no eyesight. It was like a match made in heaven. This etsy listing means that the time is upon us.

*Sees giant rainbow alien head floating into my room at night.* ARHHHHHHH! What do you want? No, not again! *Lights go on.* Just my stupid roommate wearing this backpack as he backs into the room. NOT COOL!