Tag: etsy

Zipper Eyes Temporary Tattoos

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Zipper Eyes Temporary Tattoos
These Zipper Eyes Temporary Tattoos make it look like your eyes have zippers attached. I’ve never seen a woman who looks like this, but I have seen women desperately try to zip their eyes closed to no avail or hide under their hoodie so they wouldn’t have to date me. It’s a common defense against my nerd mating ritual. Zip that flesh back up girl, your exposed flesh is going to get cold. Mind if I call you Zippy? Ever go zip-lining? Oh BTW XYZ. That means Examine Your Zipper! Also, your fly is down. Your eye-fly. Haha.

I got a million zipper jokes. Minus one. Cuz it ain’t no joke when your Wing-Wang gets caught in in zipper teeth. And that’s why the zippers on my jeans are painted on. That’s not gonna happen to me again. A cat may have nine lives, but my wiener only has one.

I guess I got off track like an old zipper. Which is what I call an elderly guy in a bike race, but that’s beside the point. The point is, these temporary tattoos are cool. Also I find it sexy, cuz I’m strange. *Channels Whitney Houston and sings* Unzip my heartttttt! Say you’ll love me again…

UFO And Alien Cookies

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UFO And Alien Cookies
Celebrate your latest alien abduction or UFO sighting by munching on these colorful UFO And Alien Cookies. You know how I celebrated my first abduction? Preparation H. Also, by not being able to sit down for like a week. *Shakes fist at sky aliens* But I admit, that time I showed up in the ER with that Boba Fett action figure lodged in my Sarlacc Pit, that was all me. I learned to clean up my toys before jumping on the couch that night. Poor Boba was never the same. Neither was I! WHY did it have to be the one bounty hunter with a rocket on his back?

These cookies would have made both of those incidents better. Unless aliens showed up while I was eating them. Then I’d have to toss my cookies. At them.

Scary Laser Cut Necklaces

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Scary Laser Cut Necklaces
These Scary Laser Cut Necklaces from CuriologyLtd are so spooky and scary. They will turn your neck into a haunted scene that will turn heads a full 360 degrees like in The Exorcist. But don’t worry, they won’t spit green pea soup at you as they are admiring your necklace. These scenic necklaces are all laser cut. Not phaser cut. Laser cut. Phasers don’t cut well enough, cuz it’s just a phase, but lasers? Lasers will cut you and blind you and kill space aliens. They probably cut these with a friggin’ ray-gun. Pew pew pew! Look what I created!

They have black magic cats, spiders, all kinds of creepy neck wear.
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Chainsaw Oven Mitt And Necronomicon Casserole

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Chainsaw Oven Mitt And Necronomicon Casserole
Etsy seller StellarEvolutionD is pretty handy in the kitchen. She not only whipped up this cool chainsaw oven mitt, but also baked that sweet-ass necronomicon casserole you see there. It’s so neat it’s sassy. That makes it a sass-erole!

What time is dinner? I’ll be over at 6. I’d like the whole face part for myself though. We can take turns wearing that oven mitt and pretending we are chopping each other’s limbs off. That’s a fun night. We’ll end it with a food fight. Sorry, gotta go. You can clean up. Thanks for the grub. See you at the next necronomi-con.
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Vampire Bats Scientific Illustration Poster

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Vampire Bats Scientific Illustration Poster
Hang this Vampire Bats Scientific Illustration Poster on your wall and you will feel like a fancy bat scientist. You know what you call a Bat scientist? A Batman! Your assistant’s name could be Robin. Study this poster day and night and you will become smarter in the ways of the bat. The next step is building a bat cave. I think you know the rest. Using your billionaire resources to genetically alter your appearance until you are a bat. THEN you will be ready to fight crime.

Or you know, just enjoy this in your home.
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