Tag: etsy

Snakeskin Cuff With Snake Head

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Snakeskin Cuffs With Snake Head
This Snakeskin Cuff With Snake Head is perfect if your name is Snake Plisskin or if you are a Cobra Commander. Just leave the head on. Why not? You wear one and I’ll wear one. We can let them slither around our wrists and them slam our wrists together and make them fight until the local ER room has to mend our broken bones.

How’d ya break your wrists?

Uh… We just really suck at high fives. No illegal wrist-snake fights going on here.

Our snake cuffs would be undamaged cuz snakeskin cuffs are snakeskin tough!

Ewok Jumpsuits: No Head Needed

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Ewok Jumpsuits
Get your Yub Nub on with these cool Ewok jumpsuits and then take your head off and freak people the hell out. These jumpsuits look creepy as hell with no head. Being a furry has never been so fun. You know, a furry, these people who like to dress up like furry animals and rub all up each other while quoting My Little Pony episodes or something.

Why did they blur out the hands and feet? Were they really afraid they would be recognized? Were they worried that a match would come up on the hands and feet database?

Barbed Wire Corner Spider Web

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Barbed Wire Corner Spider Web
And I thought the spiders in my house were hardcore! This is a Barbed Wire Corner Spider Web. Probably made by some spider wearing a World War II helmet and carrying a rifle. Probably stacks it’s cocooned meals like sand bags. This is how prison spiders are too. Plus, they’ll shank you.

Nope. I don’t need that in my house. No way. No Mutha Effin curds and whey.

Alien vs. Predator Chestburster Lamp

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Alien vs. Predator, Chestburster, Alien Specimen jar, Night light stand, Scary night light stand, Predator Art, Predator movie prop, Film
Check out this Alien vs. Predator Chestburster Lamp. Chestbursters, the new candy from the makers of Starburst. One random alien egg per pack. Which one will make your chest burst? Seriously though, this is a cool lamp.

Put it in your child’s room if you want to pay for years of therapy. Or in my room, if you want me to jump out of my own window and run down the street naked and screaming.

Alien Body Mummified Remains

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Alien Body Mummified Remains
Oh man, these Alien Body Mummified Remains are freaky. It’s like Roswell all over again. Looks like Roger from American Dad, only more shriveled and fighting allergies from hell. Unless those puffy eyes are lady-parts. You never know with aliens. I’m gonna bust the government E.T. conspiracy wide open. I’ll set up an old black and white camera and do an autopsy. An alien autopsy. I don’t think that’s ever been done before. Right? What? Oh right. Well, I was in a coma for most of the 90s.

A government induced coma. Because I knew too much about the alien agenda- BRB doorbell.

A man dressed in black just called me Rip Van Winkle and told me to shut my stupid truth-hole unless I want another long nappy time. So I’m out.