Tag: etsy

Dukes Of Hazzard Cake Topper: It’s Gonna Be A Shotgun Wedding

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dukes of hazzard cake topperSo the one duke boy is just working on the General Lee, just minding his own business, maybe dreaming about his next moonshine run, when his bride-to-be comes to haul him away, toting a shotgun and disturbing his beer cans and Hot Rod mags and stuff. Looks like someone is in a hurry to get to the altar.

I guess you could say she took a duke. In the garage. This cool cake topper is only $149. on Etsy. That’s a bargain or my name isn’t Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane. It’s not, but we share the same weird laugh.

More shots below.
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Spine Candle Holders Are Chiro-Practical

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Spine Candle HoldersChiropractors, lumbar lovers and other fans of the back will appreciate these spine candle holders. I’m looking at you Predator. They really set the mood and are a constant reminder to practice good posture.

They are also a reminder that we are nothing but bone under all of that skin and muscle. Well, in my case just skin. I have about enough muscle to roll a D20 ten inches or so with my stubby T-Rex arms. No lie, I was the weakest in my litter. Which is probably why I often play dead if the door bell rings. By now, they know to leave the pizza on the porch and take the envelope containing the money.

They can also be used as a vase, as seen below.
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Zombie Toes: This Little Piggy Craved Brains

Artemis Winterford1 Comment

zombie toesZombie toes are just as nasty as the rest of the Zombie. Apparently Zombie toes each have little faces and mouths. Who knew? I run from Zombies, I don’t take their shoes off and inspect their undead feet. Now that I know, I am sickened and fascinated at the same time.

This little piggy killed at market, this little piggy craved brains, and this little piggy staggered all the way home moaning….I’ve seen some nasty toes in my day, but these guys are the worst. Do we know if athlete’s foot kills them? I’m gonna put ’em all in a sock and beat a Zombie in the face with ’em.

Click through for more undead toe jam mixed with funk and bone fragments.
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Well This Is Depressing: Your Plane is On Fire and Your Children Are Gone

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plane on fire artI really don’t like other humans. I do my best to avoid them and I certainly don’t want other humans visiting me in my own home, expecting me to serve them Iced Tea and offer them snacks. I’m pretty anti-social. How to keep them away though… I think I will buy this $5,750.00 oil painting titled “Your Plane is On Fire and Your Children Are Gone“.

Yeah. This should keep my home pest guest free. I’ve only just seen it and I’m already depressed. I wouldn’t want to visit me and see this on the wall.

That dude in the back looks like a young Doc Emmett Brown hitting 88mph. More like 8888mph. The old lady next to him has dropped her pills. No more bingo for her. Little cherub angels are flying around everywhere amid the screams and panic thickened air, darting to and fro, trying to snatch souls. It looks like a couple of them are in a wrestling match. It’s all a freakin’ game to these cherubs. That couple in front, they’ll just sleep through it, even though one of them has clearly brought a dog along. I think the little girl did it. With mind powers!

Man, I am all kinds of depressed now. Mostly because Marty McFly will never meet Doc Brown thanks to this painting. And if that happens, no Back To The Future movies. Great Scott! We have to go back to the past to change this!
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American Horror Story Custom Prayer Candles

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american horror storyThese American Horror Story Custom Prayer Candles from Etsy seller Zachstuff will set the mood for your next AHS marathon. All of the witches and bitches from season 3 are here, dressed up all religious like. Great for interior lighting and for casting spells. Only $49.95.