Tag: fashionably creepy

Fashionably Creepy: Tick Earrings

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

tick earringsTick earrings. Is your skin crawling yet? Man, I hate these damn dirty bloodsuckers. Ticks are natures Vampires and if they attach themselves to your skin and start sucking, all you can do is kill them with fire. That usually means having your friend light a match while you are both freaking out and having that friend burn you over and over again while completely missing nature’s bloodsucking demon. Can we get this damn thing off of me or are you tattooing me with FIRE?

When you do finally burn these freaks of nature, they let go and get the hell off! Usually leaving you worried about having some kind of horrible disease. Thanks nature! This is why I stay inside and play video games.

They really tick me off!
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KFC + DIY = WTF: Chicken Bone Necklace

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Chicken Bone Necklace This chicken bone necklace is the perfect gift from any Fred Flintstone to their Wilma. Those are KFC bones. I recognize them because they look just like the ones thrown all over my apartment. Minus the ants all drowning in grease and 11 secret herbs and spices, of course.

I really need to learn to cook for myself. And clean.
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The Party Never Ends With This Swizzle Stick Cocktail Hat

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

swizzle sticksThis Swizzle Stick Cocktail Hat will be the life of the party. Just $120. from Etsy seller lovemarigold. This hat puts some swizzle in your fashion sizzle. My nizzle.

I made a hat like this once too. Just kept sticking those sticks in my hair after every drink. Yeah, I like girly drinks. So what? You want to get a girl, you have to think like one. Even drink like one.

“But what about your purse?”

“That’s NOT a purse. It’s a messenger bag.”

“I saw makeup in there and-”

“You saw nothing!”
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Turn Any Hipster Into A Cuckoo Clock With This Bird Head Brooch

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

bird bow tieNeed to up your wardrobe? Just put a bird on it. It’s like a chestbursting alien, only it’s a dead bird’s head. And there is no blood.

Just affix this $95 bird head to your shirt and you are now a cuckoo clock. Maybe you can rig it to pop out on the hour. I hope you and your fine feathered friend have lots of adventures together. Cuckoo. Cuckoo.

Click through for more bird-on-man images.
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Weird Hoof Taxidermy Purse

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

hoof purseLooking for a new purse? You better hoof it to the store and pay like crazy money for the latest and greatest pieces that bear expensive names who wouldn’t even shake hands with the likes of you. And besides, those un-calloused hands are too busy whipping their slave labor.

Screw that jazz. Just head over to Ebay and buy a purse that looks like it will run away as soon as you set it down. Hey, where ya going with my lipstick? The hoof purse is just $110 and if somebody ever tries to steal it, they are gonna get some serious kicks from animal hooves as you swing this thing. Seriously, the cops will identify the perp by the hoof marks on his weaselly face.
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