Tag: living

Skull Bedding: Sleep Like The Dead

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Skull Bedding Sleep Like The Dead
Check out this cool Skull Bedding. It’s perfect for that big sleep. For sleeping like the dead. For taking a dirt nap. Nah. You’ll be very alive and oh so comfy in this bedding. It has a beautiful design that features a skull and flowers. You put this on your bed and you have a Skully Posturepedic bed. Get it? Put your bones in this bone bedding and you can even bone in it. I’m sorry, that was crude. I should have said shag. No, that’s carpeting. Now I confused myself. F***ing, that’s what I meant!

I have an urge to mess the bed. That didn’t sound right. I mean mess up that pretty bed, by making a blanket fort and calling it Castle Greyskull. It’s gonna be awesome. It already has the cool skull.

Home Decor From Hell: Demon Skin Rug

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Demon Skin Rug
This Demon Skin Rug really ties the room together. And insures that no one ever enters that room again. Sure, it’s dead, but dead bees can still sting ya. I ain’t takin’ any chances. Look at the tongue on this thing. And the teeth.

Check out the images below to see this thing all laid out on a covered hot tub. That’s exactly where I would put it too if I wanted people to stay out. It’s as good as a sign that says, “this hot tub is protected by Satan and his minions.”

It’s expensive, but the seller says that it can be purchased on “LAY” away. They made a funny. Which I would find hilarious if I weren’t so scared.
Read more “Home Decor From Hell: Demon Skin Rug”

I Got Brain Skull Candle Holder Set

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Brain Skull Candle Holder Set
This I Got Brain Skull Candle Holder Set lets you burn brains as candles, while inside of skulls. Hey I got brain too. Nah. I lied. I can’t brain today. I can barely even adult.

The seller’s name is Brainfart55. Is that your ask or your IQ? Hahahahaha. Both? Cool. Nah. I kid, I kid. Now if you’ll excuse me I am going to draw a hot bath and burn some brain candles.

*Falls asleep in the tub*

Wakes up to see all of the gooey brain mass dripping out of the skull and jumps like 10 feet! Jeebus Christ! I thought someone had been shot! This is why I can’t have relaxing baths!

Cocaine Labeled Kitchen Accessories

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Cocaine Kitchen Accessories
*Wipes nose.* Don’t worry, I hid the stuff real good man. *Sniff* No one is ever gonna find it. *Involuntary arm jerk.* F**kin’ feds! *Sniff. Snort.* It’s in the one labeled cocaine!

Hide that Yeyo in the last place they would expect to find it. In a kitchen accessory labeled Cocaine. MoreThanPorcelain sells several kitchen items like sugar pots and creamers, all labeled Cocaine. Cuz you know, it helps to label stuff, even if all you have is plain old sugar in your sugar pot.

Steampunk Gas Mask Chandelier

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

gas mask chandelier
This Steampunk Gas Mask Chandelier is the perfect way to decorate your home during the apocalypse. And if you get attacked by ravenous farting zombies, you can even grab yourself one of the steampunk gas masks if you need to. I might just buy this one to prepare for the end of the world. I can hang it up and name each mask. You gotta have some friends to talk to when it gets lonely. And only losers decorate a soccer ball with sharpie and call it Wilson. Tom Hanks is such an idiot!

“I don’t know. I rather like him.”

You shut up. You shut your dimply basketball hole Spalding!