Tag: geek

Shark Attack Hoodie Dress

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

shark attack hoodie dress
Well call me chum and dump me in the ocean! If every shark looked as cute as this one I’d be blogging from a boat and fishing all day long. Are those fishnets she’s wearing with this Shark Attack Hoodie Dress? Very appropriate. And hey, nice back fin! Mind if I swim up beside you and attach myself like one of those weird ride-along fish?

Hey, wanna play Adventure Time? You be Fin, I’ll be Jake. Get it? Fin? I know. I know. Bad joke. Gil-ty as charged!

Okay, I’m out! Gotta call a cardiologist and a weatherman, cuz you a Sharknado and ya just stole my heart.

Hungry Hungry Hippo Rings

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Hungry Hungry Hippo Rings
Hungry Hungry Hippos Rings. I’ll get one and you can get one. Then we can have some epic marble eating competitions. They really work. I haven’t played Hungry Hungry Hippos in ages. If I want to see a bunch of large beasts fighting over stuff, I’ll go to any Walmart next to a McDonald’s on a Black Friday.

I’d have one of these on every finger. Both hands. Then you can unleash the marbles. Or these little cheese puff balls. That way I get to eat what they eat. Hey, I’m also a Walmart customer the rest of the year.
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The Zipper Choker Necklace

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

zipper choker necklace
Gonna buy this Zipper Choker Necklace for my wife. She’ll get all choked up about it. Or maybe choke me. You never can tell. Everytime she wears it I’m gonna be all like, “XYZ. Examine your zipper.” I might even call her zippy. Depends if she’s in a punching mood or not.

Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah
Zip-A-Dee-A
My oh my, what a wonderful day.

Octopus Hoodie

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Octopus Hoodie
I love that show with the transforming and ink squirting octopi. “Ink squirters. More than meets the eye.” Octo-mus Prime is my favorite. Wait. I’m mixing stuff up again. Which usually starts with mixing meds. I have no idea what I’m saying, or even where I am half the time, but if there is one thing we can agree on it is this: Octopussy was not the best James Bond flick, but it had the best name.

Another thing we can agree on? That this Octopus Hoodie is the coolest effin hoodie in the hood any day of the week. (Almost typed day of the weak which is everyday for me.) Don’t believe me? Then I’ll shoot you with my Glock…topus. Son.

I’ll leave you with this bit of wisdom: You kids think tats are awesome and all, but Octopus wrestlers were getting inked long before it was cool. Think about it.
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Giant Hamburger Stool: Not What It Sounds Like

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

giant hamburger stool
This Giant Hamburger Stool is not what it sounds like. I’m talking an actual stool you sit on, not a stool of the sample variety. Why do doctor’s need that anyway?

“Your fecal matter tested high in hamburger and very little else. Good God man, do you live in McDonalds? That is the hardest log I have ever seen. No wonder it took you 2 weeks to get back to us.” Well, I do frequent the establishment of the red-headed clown. *Doc writes a prescription* “Take this to the nearest pharmacy, called a ‘grocery store’ and have the pharmacist, I mean clerk help you out. It’s called salad. Eat it.”

I was going to. But then I realized that they already put a leaf of this stuff on my hamburgers, so I’m good.

via Uniquehunters