Hey, look at those shoes. No wonder you’re so stupid. You’ve been standing on your brains all day. *Chuckles to myself loudly* Brains Platform Shoes deliver a roundhouse kick to my head. I fall on the floor.
*Woman stands over me. Hands on hips* Actually, they are decorated with the brains of those who have wronged me. All men, which is why it took so long to cover them.
Sweet! A Notebook Paper Necktie. I don’t wear a tie, mostly because no one would hire me and even if they did, I would only use it as a napkin at lunch, then lick the stains off like a cat. If I knew how to tie one, which I don’t. But it would be so sweet to wear this with a grocery list on it or instructions on how to tie it.
Maybe write that 100 word piece of fan-fiction I’ve been meaning to write. Pikachu and Darth Vader ain’t gonna romance themselves, while Rainbow Dash looks on with tears.
And you wanna be my latex salesmen? This 9 Shades Of George Costanza Pillow shows 9 of George’s most famous scenes from Seinfeld. Much like this blog, it’s a show about nothing.
There are 9 squares of George, with not a square to spare. You can get it as a pillow, an art piece, a pair of leggings, a tote bag, whatever. Having 9 Shades Of George Costanza around your house is kind of like having me there with you. We both know you picture me as short, fat and balding. Don’t deny it. I really don’t look like him. It’s the shrinkage! Shrinkage!
So many Seinfeld references, so little time. I do wear the manzier though. It’s just comfy.
Aren’t you a cute wittle My Little Pony Alien Xenomorph. Who’s the cutest wutest wittle awein? I got your nose! Yes I did. I got your nose! ARRRRGHHHHH! It took a finger!
I should have got a Facehugger! At least it hugs you while it kills you! Bad Xenomorph. Bad! I would point at you while I say that, but I have no finger! Who the hell are you, anyway? Rainbow Slash? To Death?
Read more “My Little Pony Alien Xenomorph: Friendship Is Tragic”
Make like some cheesy crust and slip into this Slice Of Pizza Sleeping Bag. Did you sleep good? Yeah I had a good slice! Saucy dreams too! The pillows are sold separately by the same seller.
I’m buying one and having a big sleepover next month, so I expect 7 of you girls to buy this. Then we can all lay on my floor in a circle and make a whole pizza. Warning you now though, I will likely burrow from one sleeping bag to the other while you are snoring away, like a crazy pizza-groundhog. If we wake up in the same slice you have six more weeks of winter, so you best cozy up to me. Just the way it works.
Well, it’s been a slice. Laterz.
Read more “Slice Of Pizza Sleeping Bag”