Tag: halloween

Insane Asylum Candleholder

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Insane Asylum Candleholder

This Insane Asylum Candleholder is insane! Insane in the membrane! Completely loco. Off the rails. Not playing with a full deck. Not firing on all cylinders. Stark raving mad. I only know all of these phrases cuz people say them to me all of the time.

This candleholder reminds me of that time I went to the Canadian border and shouted, “I seek political asylum!” Ten hours later as I’m being dragged by my arms through a mental ward, I’m all like, “No, I said political! Political asylum. Not insane, Political!”

Large Medieval Werewolf Ring

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Large Medieval Werewolf Ring
Sweet! I finally got my Werewolf class ring! You have no idea what I had to go through in Werewolf Boot Camp to earn this Large Medieval Werewolf Ring. I’m talking tearing through chicken carcasses in under a minute while the coach is all like, “Eat it maggot!” and I’m all like, “That’s not polite at all.” I had to practice holding back my Werewolf-ness on full moons for as long as possible, under the light of an extra moon as the dude mooned me. “Fight it maggot! Do you want innocent civilians hurt?” *Shaking his acne-riddled boot-camp booty.* He’s lucky I only bit his butt once. And this all took forever cuz full moons are like once a month. I earned this baby.
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Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein Bar Stools

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Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein Bar Stools
So Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein walk into a bar… That’s all I got, cuz I was so scared I left. But if you want them to visit your bar, get these cool Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein Bar Stools. Even monsters need a place to park their rumps. At least that’s what my wife says every time I enter the room, plop down into the chair and break it into a million pieces.

One chair has Franky’s face and the other features his bride’s face. If you buy these and put them in your home, they WILL come and run up a tab. I’ll come too as long as we have a tab going. I’ll have what he’s having. Even though he’s only having it cuz his wife’s face looks like that. Hey. don’t groan at me Frank, you married her.

Creepy Compact Mirrors

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Creepy Compact Mirrors
MirrorsByMiMi sells some pretty cool compacts, many of them Creepy Compact Mirrors with Gothic themes. They have spiders, Medusas and skeletons and more. Flip it open and put on your makeup ladies, cuz I know you are all gunning for this stud.

Speaking of guns. *Flexes my arms, raising them above my head. Kisses them. Lowers them all out of breath.* I need more practice before I do that again. I think I threw my back out.
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Ouija Board Rings

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Ouija Board Rings
These Ouija Board Rings from KKJewelryonline takes a spirit board and puts it right on your finger. I can see how this is going to play out right now. I’m gonna be sitting there, eating my spaghetti-O’s (Yeah, I still eat ’em. So what? I eat like a kid, I don’t poop myself like one. Most days.) and I’ll make a mess. Then use one of the O’s as a planchette as I move it back and forth on this sweet ring. I can also contact spirits using Cheerios. Every meal is going to be adventure. Yes!