Tag: halloween

Bat Wing Heart Necklace: Batman Approves

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Bat Wing Heart Necklace
Here’s one from “Bat” Midler. Did you ever know that you’re my hero? You are the wind beneath my wings. And that wind smells rancid. But that’s only because you had tacos today, so I totally get it. I love you anyway. Here, have this awesome Bat Wing Heart Necklace. Because you’ve flown away with my heart, then taken it back to your bat cave and nibbled on it while hanging upside down and pooping bat poop all over the cave floor.

If bats hang upside down to sleep, do they ever have nightmares and poop all over themselves? Probably. Bats aren’t very smart. Anywho, this awesome necklace makes a great gift for the bat lover in your life. Who doesn’t love bats? I love bats. You love bats. Baseball players are always talking about ’em too. We are all batty for bats.
Read more “Bat Wing Heart Necklace: Batman Approves”

Creepy Creatures In Tea Cups And Bowls

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Creepy Creatures In Tea Cups And Bowls
VoodooDelicious has some truly delicious voodoo. Can’t wait to try their hoodoo. They probably have hoodoo, but I love that voodoo that they do so well. Like these Creepy Creatures In Tea Cups And Bowls. Would you like sugar with your tea? Cream? A foreign organism of some sort? When true evil destroys the world one day, this is how it will be born into the world. Not from a pit in some toxic bog, not from some hole that connects to the center of the world, but from a tea cup in some old ladies house. Probably my grandma, cuz she is into some whacked out evil stuff. Next time she summons some freak from another dimension, I’m not coming over to sort it out this time to clean up her mess.

I like that guy in the second picture. He’s like a little old man, just chilling and getting all wrinkly. Relaxing before he climbs out and tries to conquer the world. Probably swaying my grandma with his charm and good looks. Probably braggin’ about how he doesn’t need a little blue pill. This guy is trouble.
Read more “Creepy Creatures In Tea Cups And Bowls”

Scary Breakfast Cereal Monsters

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Scary Breakfast Cereal Monsters
Check out these cool Scary Breakfast Cereal Monsters art prints from QuietRoomBears. These things are crazy for Coacoa Puffs. Seriously, the Coacoa Puffs bird is in a straight jacket. You know why. Cuz he’s crazy for Coacoa Puffs. Me? I’m horny for Honeycombs. Not that anyone asked. TMI? Sorry.

They have several, all based on different cereals, showing the monster that your kid becomes after they have been sugared up by each one. I used to become a monster after eating crazy amounts of Sugar Smacks. I was a 5 year old just smacking the hell out of anyone. I didn’t even care. A two foot tall kid smacking beings 5 times as tall. I would be all like, “Hey Mister, c’mere. Bend down so I can whisper something.” *SMACK* No sugar with that smack biatch! DIG ‘EM!

Stuff is like crack. I had to go off cereal for like a year. Court ordered.
Read more “Scary Breakfast Cereal Monsters”

Nightmare On Elm Street Freddy Krueger Holiday Horror Wreath

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Nightmare On Elm Street Freddy Krueger Holiday Horror Wreath
This Nightmare On Elm Street Freddy Krueger Holiday Horror Wreath reminded me that I had a dream about Freddy last night. He was showing me his phone and he’s all like, “Dude, friend me on Facebook.” I was like, “Okay.” Then I had to watch him swipe his phone with his claws and slash my Facebook face for like a million times. It was horrible. I was his only Facebook friend too. Okay, I admit it, he was my only FB friend.

Anyway, this wreath lets you know you have arrived on Elm Street. It’s not so travelers have a fresh set of clothes and can instantly become a supernatural murderer with poor fashion sense.

Vampire Soap On A Rope: Skull On A Rope

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Vampire Soap On A Rope
Don’t be a Transylvanian dope, use Vampire Soap On A Rope. That way you’ll never drop the soap.

*Lathers up with my Vampire head. Singing “Fat Bottomed Girls” and feeling great. Feelin’ clean and refreshed as sunlight filters into the shower as day begins. I hold my Vampire soap up proudly just as sun beams hit it and then scream horribly as the Vampire face melts in my hand and drips through my fingers. Runs screaming out of the shower.*

*Sits in the corner shivering and dripping, traumatized.*

I should know better than to use Vampire soap in daylight.