Tag: halloween

Sexy Bat Stockings: You’re Legs Drive Me Batty

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Sexy Bat Stockings You're Legs Drive Me Batty
The bats in the belfry and the silver spoon… I think I have that song wrong. Whatevs. I saw these sexy bat stockings and thought of you. You know who you are. That sexy sultry creepbay reader just laying on the sofa in a super model pose, wondering what the crazy creepbay writer will say next. I thought you would look lovely in these. You’ll like them so much that you will send me some fan mail. We’ll laugh. We’ll cry. *shhhhh. Just let me continue.* We will be swept away in emotion….

Then we would have a blind date and I would find out that you are a 600 man wearing sexy bat stockings and stretching them to their limit. You tell me how much you love the website and I puke in my mouth. Then on the table. Then the waiter would ask the two fat guys sitting awkwardly in silence for their order. I would excuse myself and escape. Then go home and cry.

Yeah, so let’s keep things professional here. I just thought you gals would like these. No need to thank me. No need for fan mail. *Shudders. Drinks some alcohol. Pukes a little.* We’re all just friends here.

Unicorn Skull Mask

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Unicorn Skull Mask
Here’s why unicorn masks like this Unicorn Skull mask might not be a good idea:

That’s one kick-ass unicorn mask ya got there, honey. It really looks awesome. Hows about a kiss? Just lean forward and- Owwwwww! My eye! My eye! Blood everywhere! An eye on the tip of your horn! Now I’ll never be able to use the Oculus Rift and experience awesome VR! On the other hand, I hear that monocles are a thing again thanks to those damn dirty hipsters. Oh well. Time to shop the cyclops shop for a new eye. Maybe something in blue.

Unicorn masks. Beware! They are not a good idea!

In the kingdom of the blind, a one-eyed man is king. Until a unicorn takes his one eye out anyway. This dark unicorn skeleton necklace is a much safer. choice You can proudly wear the skeleton of this majestic creature and marvel at the wonder of this magical being. It is a great piece of goth jewelry that is much less likely to take your eye out, while catching the eyes of others.  By the way, is it weird that this mask kind of turns me on? I do like a cute girl in unicorn wear.
Read more “Unicorn Skull Mask”

Scary Layered Silhouette Necklaces

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Scary Layered Silhouette Necklaces
These Scary Layered Silhouette Necklaces from CuriologyJewellery are pretty cool. I wish I could create cool stuff like this, but I work in “crayons and glue on the paper plate” medium. Occasionally I dabble in glitter on glue. And even though I’ve won several awards from the local kindergartens, I don’t let it get to my head.

These are perfect for Halloween or just everyday wear. Nothing wrong with that.

Read more “Scary Layered Silhouette Necklaces”

Freaky Monsters In Cages

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Freaky Monsters In Cages
GrotesqueStatuettes sells these Freaky Monsters In Cages. Well, where else ya gonna put ’em? Cages and monsters go together like…monsters and cages.

It helps to keep ’em all locked up and only being gross in one place. Kinda like what a good buffet does for me. Damn mutants! Also helps so we can throw stuff at ’em and not get bitten. Keep your ugly to yourself freak-o!
Read more “Freaky Monsters In Cages”

Vintage Orange Prison Coveralls

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Vintage Orange Prison Coveralls
Get yourself a pair of Vintage Orange Prison Coveralls and just walk around the neighborhood. Then let me know what happens. If you are still a free man after 5 minutes, I’ll buy you a drink. One of those girly ones with the umbrellas. If you aren’t, then I’ll smuggle you something inside a birthday cake. That something is diabetes.

Don’t wear a pink mask with it while holding a knife. And get yourself some shoes! Orange is the new black y’all! No it’s not, but orange you glad to see me?
Read more “Vintage Orange Prison Coveralls”