Tag: haunted

NSFW The Paranormal Life and Times Of Jerry Wells

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The Paranormal Life and Times Of Jerry Wells
NSFW Warning due to foul potty mouths.

I have no idea who Jerry Wells is. Maybe he’s the one who lives in the haunted house that looks like a double-wide trailer. Maybe he’s the neighbor that shows up to help them with their paranormal troubles. I have no clue. But this is his Youtube channel. Basically, a bunch of freaky stuff happens to this family of… (Be politically correct. Be politically correct…) crimson-necked Nascar attendees. They have some serious poltergeist activity that no doubt forces them to miss out on things like Walmart sales and buying Dale Earnhardt merch on QVC. Cuz this stuff is some dramatic activity. And it moves with them from place to place.

The first video starts off with papa bear enjoying a smoke and a mountain dew on his EZ chair, just chillin’ in front of his confederate flag drapery. Pretty soon, all hell breaks loose. And by hell, I mean bad acting. Here’s the first line of dialogue: “I’m so glad we went out and got this new camcorder…” Yeah. seems legit. It’s worth watching it all the way through. It’s like the Beverly Hillbillies lost all of their money and got ghost-rich up in this crib.

The ghost starts to mess with the piano at one point, but I’m guessing it was just a gerbil they stuck in there. Make your own follow up joke. At one point the dude reaches in the kitchen cabinet (Which is full of their best china…Red party cups) and grabs a plastic red party cup. Dude pours his coffee in, pops it in the microwave and wonders why the ghost messed with the microwave.  This stuff is para-not-normal gold.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlEFd6Maogg

Click through for another vid of a kid’s birthday party where a ghost destroys the kitchen. Here are some highlights:
Kids are happy, despite the genetic chutes and ladders game taking place in that room. Candles are getting lit. They start singing happy birthday. Candles get blown out. Then at the 1:00 mark shizz gets real!
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Skull Doorknob

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Skull Doorknob
Wait! Don’t open that door. We don’t go in there. We just don’t. We don’t even talk about going in there, so shut your face. No one enters the room of the crystal skull. Why do you think we have that cool ass Skull Doorknob to warn people? It lights up too, but don’t touch it. Okay, whatever, your funeral!

*Door opens*

*All of my creepy collectibles fall out in a huge pile.* I told you not to. You just had to do it. Now you have to clean it all up. I usually push it in with a broom while someone else pushes the door.
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Wood Ouija Board Planchette Necklace

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Wood Ouija Board Planchette Necklace
Well looky here. You are gonna be a regular Cate Planchette when you wear this Wood Ouija Board Planchette Necklace. Now all you have to do is tattoo a Ouija board to your chest, I’ll ask the spirit world some questions, put my fingers on the planchette and get some answers from the other side. What do you say? I’m thinking this is the only way I get to stare at and rub a chest for an extended period of time. All in an effort to contact loved ones on the other side of course. That’s all. No other motives. Hey, don’t judge me. You already had that thing around your neck.

Haunted English Bible

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Haunted English Bible
Is this Haunted English Bible really haunted? Put your hand on the bible and swear it! The seller of this bible claims that among other incidents, “The last time she was attacked, she was pulled by her hair and dragged down the stairs getting bruises all over her body,”

Okay so it sounds like they are dealing with the ghost of a horny caveman. The pulling by the hair is a dead giveaway. He was trying to pull her into his ghost cave and do some prehistoric porkin’. Some Neanderthal nasty. Some good old fashioned Flintstones f***ing! Naturally he would show her his cave paintings after. That’s only gentlemanly. How his spirit got attached to an English bible, I have no idea. Anyway, haunting solved!
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Haunted “Walking” Possessed Doll Named Amy

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Haunted Walking Possessed Doll Named Amy
Check out this old 50s style doll on ebay. The seller thinks it’s haunted and that it’s a 3 foot tall demon baby:

Since I’ve had this doll in my house, I’ve felt very uncomfortable.

Are you sure that’s not gas. Cuz gas can do that. I have a terrible pain in my side right now that I know was caused by Taco Bell.

I bought this because I thought it was creepy…but I had no idea. The first night it was in my home I had a terrible dream of it walking with a stilt towards my room, and since then I’ve been experiencing extreme dread when I go anywhere near it.

Wait what? Walking with a stilt? Just one? So it was hopping on a stilt making a super loud racket? Are you sure it wasn’t a pogo stick? As for the extreme dread, you might want to consult your hairdresser. I don’t have dreads, but I hear they can be a pain. Maybe you just had too much cough syrup? It happens.

I’ve also heard screams coming from the room she’s in, and have had odd things happening around my home (objects will be moved, fire alarms going off, etc.). I feel that this doll is haunted, but I don’t have anywhere near enough experience to be able to tell anything about it. The only information I have is that I haven’t been able to get the name “Amy” out of my head, so I feel it could be related. Ultimately, I want this out of my home.

This happens to me too. It’s called “being drunk”. I’m kind of a pro athlete at it. The drink will wear off soon enough. Amy is probably the name of your drunk spirit animal. Mine’s name is Clarence. They should totally get together.
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