Tag: home decor

Creepy Trash Cans

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

creepy trash canYou talkin’ trash? U mad bro? I’m talkin’ trash. Etsy seller Artbytoast has some creepy/cool hand painted trash cans that will eat your garbage. They might even burp afterward. I should probably get one. This bachelor lifestyle is good and all, but I’m kinda sick of the whole “shovel by the pile of garbage in the kitchen corner.”

I mean, it isn’t that much of a hassle to open the kitchen window and shovel trash into our backyard garden like I’m powering a locomotive with coal, but I think it might be time to upgrade to an actual can for trash… Then I can just dump it all into the garden in one go. Yeah, I’m gonna spend the $40. Just as soon as I buy a few more video games.

The seller has several weird trash cans to choose from. Click through for more images.
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Alien Decorative Vintage Plate

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

alien plateI have a set of these myself. This plate is just like the ones that grandmother used to use. Except this thing will hypnotize you so you do the alien’s bidding. That probably explains why I promptly finish my meal and drop trou, awaiting the grand magnificence of their painal probe.

Hell of a way to end every dinner. Only this last time, I pulled my pants up and only to find divorce papers on the table. The wife has a no butt-cheeks on the table rule. Elbows too.

Ultimate Golfer Side Table With Lamp

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

golfer table lampOh Ebay. Does your craziness know no bounds? No. It obviously does not. This bit of geriatric-inspired furniture is a $75 Golfer table lamp. The bottom part looks just like any old timer wiling away his retirement, while the top gives you a view of the green.

If it starts walking toward me, I’m clubbing it with it’s own golf club. Just saying. Where I come from, if you see pants like those approaching you, you yell stranger danger real effin’ loud, otherwise you end up in the back of a van sucking on a lolipop, singing row-row-row-your-boat with funny pants man at the wheel, as tears stream down your face.

Happened to me just last week, but never again! I buy my candy like everyone else now.
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Look Sharp With A Porcupine Quill Mirror

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

porcupine mirrorOuch! Damn! Oh HOLY HELL! The blood is everywhere. Make the spurting stop. Dear God please! *passes out*

An hour later:

Ambulance guy 1: Passed out from blood loss.

Ambulance guy 2: How the hell did he think he was going to hang that on the wall safely?

Ambulance Guy 1: Is this guy’s name Caesar?

Ambulance guy 2: Huh? Oh, because he got stabbed so many times. Heh. Good one. Well, he ain’t hanging that thing up with his bloody nubs. Let’s get him out of here.

Me: Et tu, Etsy? *passes out again*

Squeezy listening: Rest Room Radio

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

restroom radioPinch a loaf to the sounds of Meatloaf. Sit there crampin’ with Peter Frampton. Fill the bowl to Billy Joel. This is all possible thanks to the Rest Room radio. Just sit back and enjoy the tunes.

Only $20 from Etsy seller YouJustMightNeedThis.
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