Tag: home decor

Awesome Cat Candle Holder

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Awesome Cat Candle Holder
This Cat Candle Holder is both scary and amazingly awesome. He has his bat-cape whirled around him like he…just…don’t…give a flying monkey turd. He knows he’s badass, and now you know it. Whatcha gonna do about it? Well, I’mma put a candle in this thing and let him light up my room. That’s how I roll. Is it a bat or is it a cat? He has the body of a cat, but the attitude of a bat.

Probably plays with string for hours and then goes and hangs upside down for a nap, dropping his guano in his litterbox from the ceiling.
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Taxidermy Mice and Bats Torture Chamber Display

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Taxidermy Mice and Bats Torture Chamber Display
Mice and bats are mortal enemies. Everyone knows this. Their crazy-ass feud is illustrated nicely in this Taxidermy Mice and Bats Torture Chamber Display. Check out that brown mouse, holding a bloody sword pointed at the white mouse who is trapped in a hanging cage! He’s all like, “You better talk and talk soon, cuz I came to eat cheese and kick ass. And I’m all outta cheese.”

Pretty crazy. When will this war end?
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Freddy Krueger Baby Soap

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Freddy Krueger Baby Soap
1, 2, Freddy’s scrubbin’ on you. 3, 4, better lather some more. 5, 6, better clean your d**k. Like a lot of this stuff, I have no idea what this Freddy Krueger Baby Soap is all about. No wonder Freddy went nuts. Can you imagine being a little soap baby and having to wash everyone’s privates? Gettin’ pubes all over you? I would turn into a freaky killer too. Freaky.
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Taxidermy Turkey Feet Bookends

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Taxidermy Turkey Feet Bookends
Oh, now I know who’s been running away with my books. I should never have bought those Taxidermy Turkey Feet Bookends. I think I just saw them running in the other room with all my good books between them. Get back here you jerky turkey! This is why I have chicken wire around the house, to stop exactly this sort of thing.
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Gold Skull Bookends

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Gold Skull Bookends
These Gold Skull Bookends look pretty awesome cuz they’re shiny. Also cuz I just want to put some crazy eyes in those sockets. And I know you have a better book collection than these two books shown here. They look like cool ancient idols. *Stands before them. Wiggles my hands, loosening them up. Gently lifts one skull so my books don’t fall down. I smile and go to put the idol in my satchel. A mechanism clicks somewhere. Rumbling starts. Giant boulder comes down from the ceiling and chases me. I barely make it as I jump through my front door.*

You see why these are awesome? Again! Again!