Tag: horror

Gothic Raven Purse – For The Birds

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Gothic Raven Purse - For The Birds

Wow. Now that’s a nice looking bag. That’s not just something they say in the bathhouse, it’s what they’ll say about this purse when you wear it. This Gothic Raven Purse is stunning. You might even say ravenous. I know I’m raven about it. You won’t catch me crowing about it though. That would be mixing my bird metaphors. Did you know that a group of ravens is known as an “unkindness”. Man, these birds have a bad reputation. But they look awesome on this Gothic Raven Purse accessory. Get your claws on one today!

I’ll have to write that fun fact down in my Raven Journal. It’s where I keep all of my raven related thoughts and dreams from prying eyes and nosy beaks. Did you know that they remember human faces? Come to think of it, that would explain why my car gets pooped on so damn often. Now that’s an unkindness. It’s downright rude. You point and laugh one time when a baby bird can’t get the worm and it makes you a lifelong poop target.

Huge Spider Earring – Thank God For Wax

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Huge Spider Earring - Thank God For Wax

Just when I was getting over my fear of giant spiders crawling into my ear. This Huge Spider Earring has me whimpering at night once more as I fill my ear holes with cotton and put on headphones. There I go sleeping through the alarm again. But it beats some 8-legged alien mofo laying eggs in my ear canal. If I see you wearing this, don’t be surprised if I slap it clear off your face. Ain’t no room in my life for any spider this damn big.

First it crawls in your ear. Then you become the spider and won’t even need these spider goggles.

Articulated Misfits Devil Rat Doll

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Articulated Misfits Devil Rat Doll

Now you can have your very own Articulated Misfits Devil Rat Doll. Why the hell not? Like I don’t have enough problems without some Devil Rat doll coming to life and doing the freaky deeky all up in here. Sure its cool looking. Both cute and evil at the same time. But no good can come from this thing. I’ve had pets like this before, so I know what I’m talking about. Like that rat clock. It’s always terror time around here.

It is creepy cool. Plus he wont leave droppings everywhere like a real rat. You won’t have to say rats! and clean it up. Or drats. Or even bats. Or tell him yo scat! Get it? That’s some poop humor right there. Probably why I feel flushed. heh! I still got it.

Gothic Bat Hand Towels

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Gothic Bat Hand Towels
Check out these super cool Gothic Bat Hand Towels. These look so cool. I don’t care if your bathroom is in a giant haunted mansion, an old victorian, or a trailer, these towels are going to goth up your guano room. They are great for Halloween, but I’m going to use these every day. Cuz I’m a good boy. I always wash my hands. These hand towels are soft and durable and feature an image of a bat and a crescent moon. I love it. Do you love it? Of course, you do. It’s 80% polyester, 20% cotton, and 100% awesome. Dry those hands on some Gothic Bat Hand Towels after you wash them. And if you don’t pick some of these up? Then you better dry your eyes with something else because you’ll be crying at the missed opportunity. I just love that design. Speaking of great design, check out this cool Bat crop top.

Bat Crop Top – Holy Bat Boobies!

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Bat Crop Top - Holy Bat Boobies!
Now that’s what I call Creep Wear. This Bat Crop Top is the ultimate in boobie-covering technology. God, I wish I was that bat. You would be the wind beneath my wings. The wind is very nipply today, so let me hold you tighter, my love. Is it technically a bra? A halter top? Crop top? Bat brazier? I have no idea, but I know it is a bat made to protect your jubblies. And boy, does it look sexy. Whether you are headed for the convenience store, at the beach, or living during the apocalypse, this bat crop top will always look amazing. Bat boobs are always in fashion, after all. Let’s face it they are probably the two greatest things in existence.

Gotta be a B cup, too cuz it’s a Bat. I’m just guessing. A bat cup, if you will. Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable and put your bat on, my dear? I’ll get the bat wine opener, and we can have a quiet night in.